We have just been told my Mum has weeks/months to live and I’m absolutely devastated. Up until Friday we knew nothing.

we live and do everything together and have the best times and I can’t imagine what life will be like without her. I don’t have my own family through choice/it’s just not happened, so I will be left in our house all on my own. I do have family nearby and friends but it just won’t be the same. I don’t know what to do with myself. Will I be able to cope?

Hi Starshine,

A very warm welcome to our forum. 

I am truly sorry to hear this news about your Mum and understand how devastated you must feel. Instead of thinking about losing her, try to concentrate on making her as comfortable as possible. Say all that you want to one another and don't leave anything left unsaid. Try if possible to make memories, instead of worrying about the future. Is there anything that your Mum might want to do, or are there any people she would like to se? If so, perhaps you could facilitate this?

It will be strange for you having to adjust to living on your own, when you have always lived at home. I agree that it probably won't be the same, but you will gradually start to live a new life. Somehow or other, when life throws us challenges like this, it also gives us the extra strength to overcome them. You will get through this. One thing that I found very helpful to have, after my Mum passed, was a really nice photo of her. I placed this in a prominent spot and often found myself talking to her picture.

It will be hard for you at first, but you will gradually come to terms with all that has happened. It sounds as if you have already started the grieving process. This is not unusual, when you receive this sort of news. There are a number of different stages to grief and we all cope in our own way and in our own time. I am glad to hear that you have family and friends nearby. Don't  shut yourself away - you will need the support of these people.

Please keep in touch. I am thinking of you and always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Thank you so much for your reply, it does bring me some comfort. It is just so hard as I feel like my situation is very unique in not having a family of my own or any siblings etc.

she is finding it pretty hard just to get out of bed already as she is having trouble eating and feels very weak, I am trying to at least get her to drink, which again she is not really interested in but at least this is better than the food. I am grateful that when she is in bed she is comfortable, although it does mean she spends a lot of her time asleep, which is good for her, but hard for me.

we have got some people coming to see her over the next couple of days if she’s up to it.

thank you for all the advice, it helps and means a lot.

thank you for being there xx

HI Starshine,

Do you have any help in caring for your Mum? This is an awful lot to take on totally on your own. The main thing is to get her to drink, although you may even find this difficult towards the end. There is help available for terminal care in the home. There are also some non-means tested benefits available. Macmillan or Marie-Curie can help with these.

I hope that she is well enough to see her visitors in the next couple of days.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Not at the moment. She only really got her proper diagnosis/2 week referral appointment yesterday. I think someone is supposed to be in touch next week.

Yes I am trying to get her to drink but she gets a bit annoyed with me keep reminding her. She’s not drinking as much as I’d like but at least it’s something. Tomorrow I hope she will drink more, but who knows!!

thank you!!

thank you again for your reply and advice, it makes a difference x

HI Starshine,

It is always a difficult time when we are waiting for results. I hope that your mam gets her MRI results next week and that all will become clearer then. Mention the fact that she's not drinking much to her care team, although they may not be too concerned at the moment.

I am always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

HI Starshine,

It is always a difficult time when we are waiting for results. I hope that your mam gets her MRI results next week and that all will become clearer then. Mention the fact that she's not drinking much to her care team, although they may not be too concerned at the moment.

I am always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx