Cancer Research UK main site

Mum, pancreatic cancer, end of life

IchigoKeikaku
Offline

Hi

I’m devastated. You dread that day and it came yesterday for us. My mum has pancreatic cancer that spread to her lungs. She was diagnosed 18 months ago. Yesterday she was told the chemotherapy no longer helps her and instead would further shorten her life, so they need to move to palliative care.

In complete honesty she was told 6-8 months st first so we are ridiculously lucky for the extra time we have so far.

but hearing that there are no more options is just… 

Her condition progressed quickly in the last few weeks. I don’t live close and I’ve been undergoing IVF treatment (which has been taking a toll and not smooth so far for me) so I’ve not been able to come back to see her yet and can’t go for another 7-10 days still depending on how I do and it breaks my heart. 

I need to call her today (she didn’t want any calls yesterday after her appointment), but I’m heartbroken that I can’t go to see her and hold her in my arms.

She must be terrified.

I don’t know what to do. running out of time on everything and it hurts. 

i don’t have any way to reassure her… do I?? What can I do… lately she talks less and less about herself.

  • Offline

    How sad to read your post , I’m so sorry you’re going through all this as well as your IVF. No you can’t reassure her but you can consider the following : Your mum has probably gone into mum mode and didn’t want calls because she doesn’t want to hurt her children . You could write to her and tell her how much you love her and go and visit as soon as you are able . You could send her a note every few days . There is support available for you and your mum . You can ring any of the cancer helplines and Maggie’s is very good. I hope you find a way to deal with all this ( you will) and all the best with your IVF XX

  • Offline in reply to LCR

    Thank you for this reply. I really appreciate it. xx

  • Offline in reply to LCR

    I'm going through the exact same thing ,hence I'm.on here.  My mum was diagnosed 2 months ago with pancreatic cancer that has spread to her liver.  The doctor told me 3 months without chemo.  She's having palliative chemo atm. But I can see that's she deteriorated rapidly.   I feel so sorry for her ,she lost her husband on a Monday and on the Friday got diagnosed.  I have contacted the hospice to ask if one of the counselling team can talk to her about of life,because from me ,how would that conversation start? Lately she is very depressed. But I know she must be so scared of dying. Especially reading that sven Goran Ericsson died of the same thing and lasted 7 months.  My mind is all over the place and it's a very heartbreaking and strange feeling to be in .   I feel bad leaving her even for an hour and I just don't know what to do or how to think

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.