My husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer 3 months ago 

He has had a radical prostatectomy. 

I am so confused and hurt. My daughter and son in law haven't been near nor by and live 10 mins down the road. I have done so much for them and it's breaking my heart that they never ask how my husband is. 

My brother is indifferent and I feel very alone. 

Why are people like this?

My daughter is nurse and she offered to take us to appointments but has two young kids and I didnt want to put them out.. 

She now doesn't even ask although I give her lots of information she shrugs it off as if it's not her Dad .

The family have been very strange since his diagnosis it's breaking my heart. 

I have a once fit healthy husband now in diaper pads and catheter. I was a nurse so I can't understand their indifference. 

Has anyone else had this response. They have never been that engaged with any illness 

  • Hello KattyB

    I'm sorry to hear that your husband's recent diagnosis and treatment has highlighted some gaps in the relationship between you and other family members.

    I'm sure that there are other members here on the forum who will recognise the indifference and distance that family members put between themselves and others when cancer is mentioned. 

    Often it can be because people don't know what to say or are scared of saying/doing the wrong thing. In your post you mention that your family has never been engaged with any family illness so it seems that this has just been highlighted even further recently. 

    I'm unsure from your post what kind of relationship you have with them. Have you expressed how the lack of support and empathy has impacted your ability to cope with everything that you're dealing with? Sometimes difficult but honest conversations can help. 

    It sounds from your posts as if you could do with some support and I'd encourage you to reach out to an organisation such as Maggie's. They are there to support anyone impacted by a cancer diagnosis, including family. 

    If you'd like to chat with one of our nurses you're welcome to call them on 0808 800 4040, Monday to Friday 9 am to 5 pm. 

    I do hope that things improve for you and your husband soon. 

    Best wishes, 
    Cancer Chat moderator 

  • Hi KattyB,

    I’m afraid I can’t offer any advice, but please know you are not alone. My husband was diagnosed with bowel cancer in Feb 2022 & we found out in the June it has spread to his liver. He was responding well to treatment but unfortunately it’s growing again in his liver & he’s on treatment now which makes him feel pretty rubbish. He’s incredibly strong mentally & physically & we’re lucky to have great friends & my siblings - albeit they are some distance away. My husband is one of five & bar his elder brother we have heard nothing from the others. They came to his birthday party & all get on. But we don’t even get a “thinking of you” text, if nothing else. I don’t care about me- but it breaks my heart for my husband & children. We have no parents & much of my family is overseas. I know all families are different but I find it very strange & it makes me incredibly angry. I hope things can improve for you & you get the support you need, from the people you love. Xx