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How do I cope with mums terminal brain cancer

MonicaB
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Hello,

I am Monica, 27 years old. My Mam has been diagnosed with incurable grade 4 glioblastoma (terminal brain cancer) 

 

My mam is 57 old year old. I guess my journey started back in July 2022, where the doctors initially believed my mam to have had a stroke.

after months of scans, 3 brain surgeries, biopsies, chemo, radio. I am officially recognising that I am not managing very well with my mams diagnosis of terminal brain cancer. The uncertainty, the emotional rollercoaster has been difficult. To add to this, my father has been the least supportive and only thinks about how this effects him. I've had to Park him where he is and accept my mam is the priority right now.

i received counselling, continued to work full time as a teacher and  now recognise that I'm just stuck. My priority is my mam and I don't know how to be there for her as well as being there for myself. I'm struggling to find a balance as the goal I desire is to be there for her without neglecting myself too.

I work full time as a teacher and usually teaching is a coping mechanism for me but I now recognise that I need to take some time out to try be there for my mam and myself. I am  struggling with the guilt of missing work and not feeling like I am doing enough for her. Nothing ever feels enough. Although, I recognise the situation is beyond my control I can't seem to find the balance that works.

I also am aware I'm going through anticipatory grief but the waves of emotions are uncontrollable. I find myself exploding into waves of tears and a constant sick feeling in my tummy doesn't help.

I just don't know how I'm feeling, where I am, what to do, what's next... the anxiety the stress everything feels difficult.

 

I even find daily tasks challenging too.

 

 

  • Offline in reply to MonicaB

    Hi Monica,

     

    I'm glad to hear you took the bold step and take time off work, it was completely the right decision. I've started making careless mistakes at work and it's getting me more upset, so I'm going to take inspiration from you and try to also take abit of time off.

    You need to be present and enjoy the time you have with your mam. Worrying about work will make it worse, believe me. Work will come again.

    How are you now that your mam has been moved to a nursing home?  Please try and take the time to do something you enjoy and look after yourself too. Are you sleeping okay?

    The emotions really do come in waves, all forms of emotion, hit you at different times or all at once. It's so tough.

    It's very hard, but one day something, a place, sound or smell might remind you of happier times you and your mam had together. I tried to look at childhood photos and it just made me more upset, so proceed with caution.

    I'm glad you managed to have a somewhat lovely mother's day together. I also found that day hard looking at other families being able to enjoy their time together without all the sadness and worries.

    I'm thinking of you. Although we are strangers on the Internet, we are in this terrible boat together and I hope it brings you a little peace to know you and your mam aren't alone in all of this sadness.

     

    Xx

  • Offline

    Hi Monica, 

    I'm so sorry for what you are going through. 

    My mum had a tumor removed from her bowel 2 and a half years ago and it had already spread to her lungs. The prognosis wasn't good but the tumors in her lungs remained stable for a long time. 

    4 weeks ago she had terrible slurred speech and fell and broke her leg. We discovered in hospital the cancer has spread to her brain. I am now living with her spending what time we have left and I understand the emotions you are going through. I am absolutely devastated but I am doing everything I can to make her comfortable and spending what time left I can with her. 

    Please don't feel guilt over work. Just do what is right for you and your mum. Have no regrets. If you ever need to talk please just message. I have gone through grieving for mum through this journey multiple times, when she was first diagnoised, then when we were told they couldn't do any more surgery on her lungs, and now when we have been told it is in her brain. 

    No one can understand the path you are on unless they have experienced it themselves. I certainly never knew just how hard this path was when someone said they nursed a family member through cancer. 

    I'm sending so much love your way. Please know you are not alone in this. 

    Helen xx

  • Offline

    Hi MonicaB

    My husband is stage 4 secondaymelamona brain cancer.

    I'm a teacher struggling to cope with learning my KS4 pupils

    my husband is in denial sadly, he's completely lost his balance to his left side and doesn't want carers in to help him.

    im sorry that your father is not supportive. Wishing you and your mother the best x

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