I know exactly how you feel im going through this right now with my dad. I am also going through pre grief were most days i am completly drained emotionally and cry then other days mainly when my dads having a good day im not as bad and feel like i can be sort of normal in my emotions. 

Its the hardest thing ive had to go through no one can tell us how to act or deal with it i guess we just learn to cope and deal with it in our own way. Mainly for me its the fear of the unknown aswell each week is completly different with my dad and he only has me to look after him i havent got a big family to help out so thats stressful too.

Im here if you need to message anyone.

Hi Sarah,

Thank you for your reply.

I am so sorry to hear this. It is definitely the hardest thing but I resonate completely when you said if your dad is having a better day you feel a bit better.

I am experiencing the same I suppose. When my Mam has good days I feel lighter when she doesn't I feel so heartbroken. The waves are constant. The emotions seem so difficult to understand but I know it's expected. I guess it's just trying to find your feet with it.

how are you managing with caring for him as well as working? How have you been caring for yourself during this too?

i have days where I try to go swimming, read, do things I usually enjoy but even those tasks dont seem to bring me any joy at the moment. I constantly wonder if I'm subconsciously choosing to not enjoy something but everything inside feels so numb. I've been experiencing this a lot more with my mam having a lot more worse days. 
 

I wonder if when she has better days Il find my feet again but truthfully, things don't seem to be looking brighter either 

Hi Monica going through this is really hard as there's no guidance or handbook's. It's a case of  keep going and hopefully doing your best. Have you contacted Macmillan they have various routes to care and support. 
Do try to relax when Mums having a good day. We all need a bit of down time. Have you spoken to your manager at work about your situation? 
Teaching takes it out of you without the responsibility of mums care. Would reduced hours help? Occupational health may be able to arrange this for you. 
My neighbour has just had 3 months off caring for her terminal mum. 
Your dad sounds as if he's fearful of being alone so if he ignores what's happening it might go away. Men seem to have problems when they can't fix a situation, with two Paracetamol or a visit to the doctor. 
It's a case of doing what you can and not feeling guilty about what you can't. When others say can l do anything get them to hoover or do the shopping, them giving mum time would help . 
Do take Time for yourself 

susie

Dear Monica, I am so sorry to read your post I couldn't not reply.

I unfortunately lost my Dad to this Illness he was 62. When I found out I was completely lost, heartbroken and frightened. The only way I got through each day was to live each day at a time, I couldn't look into the future. I will say that my Dad wasn't in pain and we managed it ourselves and he stayed and home. Life is so cruel but your not alone. take as much help as you can don't take it all on yourself. 
 

love sarah 

Hi Sarah,

thank you. How long did your dad live with the illness? Did he have a good quality of life?

my Mam's tumour was placed right on the Communication and Language part of her brain. The doctors had to remove the tumour from there and as a result there's a gap left in her brain. This has caused her to lose her communication skills so she struggles to talk and can't really form sentences. She also now has dysphraxia because of the operation too.

so this has resulting to a lot more difficulties with not being able to understand my mam as clearly as I'd like. I try my best and with a lot of Patience I can usually figure out what she's saying.

her independence has descreased and daily life for her is usually struggle. 

this adds further heartbreak too

Hi I'm sorry too hear that, my Dad did have his Tumor removed also but only lost partial words. 
 

Dad had a Seizure April 2018, operation in May 2018 Chemo in June 2018 and radiotherapy for six weeks.. we had clear scan until February 2021 unfortunately he died September 2021. The last six months were very hard, Dad lost his short term memory and would struggle to make a sentence make sense, this was very hard but we made the best of the situation. I don't want to upset you, everyone is different you need to stay to the light and always have hope.

im happy too answer anything you might want to ask xx

Thanks, Will do my best.

How did you manage balancing work and your own life around this? Xx

I have two Sisters and my Mum, I was lucky that I have my own Garage so I left for a year and helped mum look after him. You should see of you can leave work and get some financial help if your her primary care giver. She should also be receiving some money off the state. 
Xxx 

Hi Monica, I'm in a similar situation to you, I'm the same age and my Dad too has terminal cancer.

I'm also going through the same emotions as you, I'm finding it hard to socialise as everyone seems to tip toe around me and darent mention my dad, its hard as its all I can think about. I'm struggling to do things I enjoy too. 

I've just started a new role and I'm struggling balancing work too. Have you told your employer about your situation? I spoke to mine and its been so helpful, they've offered so much support for me. I've found opening up and being vulnerable with my manager has helped me find a good balance between working and caring. I'll be honest my mind is not completely on it, so I can imagine how difficult this is as a teacher. 

Whilst I haven't got any words of advice, or anyways I can help you, all I can say is we are not alone in this, and I truly know exactly how you feel.

Hi,

i am so sorry to hear you are going through this. A very sad time.

I decided to take some time off work and focus on just trying to live and do things I enjoy... I removed all pressure.
 

I've been off work for a while now and the thought of going back seems to stress me a little so I think that's an indication that I made the right choice. I want to just be with my mam, not be stressed not feel other burdens that will rob me of the time I have with her. My Mam's now being moved to a nursing home. 

This feels tough and heavy. It feels as though I'm watching her slowly deteroite and now the memories I have of her I can't seem to remember the ones before she was poorly. I did try and journal other times but maybe it's blocked from my mind at the moment not sure.

Mother's Day was lovely on Sunday, but a lot of emotions did come up. I feel very lost and I gather I have felt this for a while. The emotions come in waves and I guess it's been a little heavy recently.

How are you? 
 

Xx