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Is it selfish of me?

Tiredbunny
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My SO has been diagnosed with recurrent cancer and is due to have an abdominal resection very soon. We've had a load of appointments with various consultants and nurses but not one of them has asked how I am doing. 
 

I totally get that I'm not the one that physically has the cancer but I am still going through it emotionally and it's really having a massive strain on me. The surgery is major complex so carries big risks and it would just be nice to be acknowledged that it's affecting me too. Even my SO doesn't ask - he tells me I have to be strong for him and can't be emotional. 
 

Is it selfish of me to just want to be seen and heard as going through it too? I'm expected to do all of the caring - medication, household, cleaning and personal hygiene - and I'm so exhausted and burnt out. It honestly feels too much right now. 

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    It's not selfish at all, though I can understand that your SO may not be able to offer support to you right now, given what he is going through.

    That said, you definitely deserve some support too. Have you any friends or family members you can turn to? People whose main concern is going to be for you because they are closer to you than to your SO? This is a really difficult time for you too and you deserve some support of your own.

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    I've just been going thru the same feelings and was feeling really selfish I guess it's normal 

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    Hi Tiredbunny,

    It is not selfish of you at all to feel the way you do, in my opinion.

    I have progressed, fairly quickly, from stage 2 to 4 lung cancer in 12 months despite treatment. Not curable now. 
     

    My wife is my rock. I would hope I have always acknowledged we are BOTH going through this together.

    Please bear with your SO. If they only realised how much you do for them, it would make weep. Speaking to a therapist may help you. I have resisted this for 12 months now but realise I need to do so.

    Best wishes

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    Alot of times the family and friends and  get to much to do and can get emotional and struggle with helping people with cancer and feeling put on with doing things for the cancer patient, (quite alot struggle with doing to much). You definitely want time out to do what you want to do now and again nomater what SO says or does. He needs to realise that you need to relax now and again, and even if he struggles to do as much for himself as possible. 

    Good luck with his treatment hope things go well for you both. 

    Billy 

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