Has my husbands cancer returned?

My husband had cancer when he was a teenager and because of the cancer he had to remove a testicle. He is now in his 30s and he's been feeling a lump on his remaining testicle. He is now waiting to be seen by the hospital. But he's told me he would rather die than loose his testicle. I'm struggling to see where he is coming from because we were just blessed with a child (which we thought we could never have). I would love my husband without a penis, his testicle or any other part of his body. I'm trying to understand why he's not fighting for our life together, for our baby. Because now more than last time he's got something to live for. I work with children and I've seen what a parents death can do to a child no matter the circumstances. As we've struggled to have children, I couldn't fathom choosing not to be here with my child. I've listened to him and he believes he wouldn't be a man and than if he was still alive he would be clinically depressed and a shell of what he was, so what kind of father would he be. I tried explaining that he's not even had the appointment yet so try not to get hung up on it until everything has been checked. I also said your not giving you're self a chance to adjust to the circumstance and that you don't know who or how you'd be if it happens and he shouldn't write himself off. 
Am I being selfish? 

How can I support him and help him get through his emotional turmoil? 

  • Hi Rravenclaw

    Unfortunately we can't determine if your husband has cancer or not. 

    I thought having been through cancer once that I would be able to cope if I got it a second time but I had a recent cancer scare and my reaction surprised me - I vomited. It was far scarier than the first time as I knew what it entailed. 

    I can relate to his fear of losing another testicle as I had bilateral breast cancer and was advised to lose both. That brings issues in terms of how one sees themselves, for me it was losing my femininity, for your husband it's losing a part of his manhood. All perfectly normal reactions.

    I think his claim that he'd rather be dead shows how scared he is rather than him actually wanting to die. Some men find it hard to articulate what's going on in their head. 

    As you said, it's early days and hopefully this amounts to nothing. The only thing I think you can do is try and lesson the tension around this. I would keep emphasising that there could be many reasons for the lump and not to jump to worse case scenario. This should hopefully give him the reassurance he needs and some breathing space. 

    Once he gets to meet the specialists they will take over and tend to his fears/anxiety. 

    Please let us know how he gets on x

     

     

     

  • Thank you so much for replying and the advice. You've given me some perspective and I am going to approach it differently. Thanks again and good luck on your journey