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My partner doesn’t understand

Faithsgirl42
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Not sure how to start these things I'm mainly just looking to vent my dad has been diagnosed with terminal testicular cancer we've been told he probably wouldn't be seeing Christmas and he is at the point of end of life my dad is currently bed bound he refuses to get up declines to eat or drink and is on a lot of pain relief due to the cancer spreading and him constantly being in pain. 
 

my partner who I haven't been dating long a year doesn't seem to understand why I sometimes don't want to do anything or struggle with my memory or forget silly things like they have the day off. They also go mad at me if I don't want to go out and do things on my day off I just want to stay home and rest I work nights 12 hour shifts 4x a week and I'm not really sleeping sometimes I'll wake up in the night and sob or struggle to sleep during the day. 
 

today I tried opening up about my worries with my dad and they said well yeah everything your going through I've been through with my brother it made me feel really angry like my feelings weren't valid I ended up apologising to them and saying how awful it must of been for them I walked away eventually as they were going on and on about how hard it was for them this happened a number of years ago and isn't recent and I understand they probably did go through a lot of things I did but in that moment I was opening up and expressing how I feel and that I'm struggling and I feel they just made it about them and I ended up coming away feeling sorry for them and not wanting to bring anything up again. there also asking everyday if we can do something when to be brutally honest I just want to stop in bed and pull the duvet over my head and cry it out this causes a massive argument with them saying I'm not being fair and it's cruel what I'm doing if I don't want to be in the relationship then I should end it 

 

sorry for the rant I just feel like I needed to get it out 

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    Hi faith my opinion is your partner isn't bothered about how you feel so not a very good partner and certainly not any help to you in your time if need. You want someone who cares for you when your down. So sorry about your dad hope pain eases soon. 

    Good luck with your future 

    Billy 

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    Hello,

    You are going through possibly one of worst things right now and your partner isn't being supportive, is dismissive of how you feel and compares their experience to yours when this is different. 

    You only have one dad. I would leave this boyfriend. You should be able to do what you want without being bothered by him or judged about what you want to do. I personally wouldnt want to stay with a person like this and would spend all I can with my dad. 

    Sending my love,

    April Rain x

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    Get rid of your partner. You don't need someone like that in your life, especially now x

  • Offline in reply to Fluffybull

    What concerns me most is that your partner was being unsupportive and dismissive of you and yet you ended up apologising to and expressing concern for them. That is a sign that you are being manipulated - "reverse victim and offender". The fact that they went through something similar should make them more understanding, not less.

    I mean it would be understandable if your situation was triggering memories of their loss and making it difficult for them to be supportive, but it doesn't sound like they told you about that as part of an apology - "I'm really sorry. I know I should be more supportive, but this just brings back memories and I find it difficult to talk about anything to do with cancer, but I know that is my issue and not yours and I'll work on it." It sounds more like they brought it up to turn things around so they were the one with a problem and not you. That isn't a good sign.

    Especially when they said it's cruel what you are doing. You didn't do anything. They behaved in a manipulative and unsupportive manner, then tried to pretend it was your fault. Do not accept this. You did nothing wrong. They are the one to blame here.

    I am sorry for what you are going through. Dealing with your father's illness is hard enough and then dealing with your partner's poor behaviour on top of that. Personally, from what you've said, I think you would be justified in ending the relationship. Think about what you want. Is your partner making you feel better overall or worse? If they are making you feel worse, then ending it sounds like a good idea.

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