Hi All,

My partner and mother of my child who we love very much was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour last year September and with the treatment option she had chose she was given at the time an 18 month life expectancy. We understand it could be shorter or longer than that and life expectancy is just a educated guess based on stats. We are choosing to try remain positive and believe we will have more time than anticipated but also trying to stay aware that time is precious.

The reason I have come on here to share is because I feel like I'm choosing ignorance as a coping stratagy and I feel guilty as hell that I might be robbing my partner and myself of precious time by pretending like all is okay and we will deal with the worst when it happens. But I also don't think that sitting around being sad and constantly dwelling on our reality is going to do us much good either. I guess it's a fine line one has to tow between remaining possitive and not getting bogged down by it all while also reminding ourselves that time is precious. 

I feel like there is something wrong with me because most days I just remain numb to it all. But often I have these moments mostly late at night when the family are sleeping and I'm still up. Moments where I sit and think about the hand that she has been dealt, I think about what she might be thinking and what she has to carry with her every day, I think about how things are going to be for her when things do take the inevitable turn for the worse and this breaks my heart into tiny pieces and an over whelming sadness envelopes my entire body.

We have a 3 year old little boy who we love very much and while he make things easier in many ways the idea of him loosing his mom in the near future and has no idea is equally is gut wrenching. 

I guess I'm really here in the hope that others that have been through this before might be able to give some advice maybe even a kick up the butt because right now we are just kind of going through the motions and I just don't feel like thats fair for my partner who is not going be around for a very long time. 

If you have read this far then thank you for taking the time to do so. Also I will greatly appreciate any possible advice or input from other people that have been through the same thing.