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How can I support my sister? She's angry all the time

Carebear1
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My sister was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer & we were all devastated. We rallied round but as the years went by we all tried to get on with a normal life as possible. The problem is, we can never do right in her eyes. She speaks to us all like rubbish all the time. She throws it in our face that she has stage 4 cancer every chance she gets & we literally walk on eggshells around her. 
I understand she's angry, i don't blame her. She's been dealt a *** hand but we (her family) don't know how to be around her now, always through fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. I fear my memories of her when she does go will be tainted with her angry outbursts & mean words & thats not what i want.

I feel selfish for even thinking this way about her because i know how awful it is what she is going through but i did not expect her to turn on her family like she has. We let her speak to us that way because she has cancer & she knows it, its probably why she continues to do it. 
I know she is scared but what can we do to support her without getting it wrong?! 

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    Hello Varebear1, this is a regular topic that pops up from time to time and it's difficult to deal with.  Firstly, it's not your fault that she has incurable cancer, it's a tough hand to be dealt but it's no one else fault.  As you say she is getting away with it, so like a naughty child she pushes the boundaries to see how much you all love her before you lose your temper, then she can say, see I knew you didn't love me.  But it's not the way to deal with it.  My husband had incurable cancer and was pretty mean to me on many occasions and I tolerated it until the penny dropped that the more I took it the more he dished it out!  So one day I turned on him and told him it was not my fault he was ill, I still had to cope with everything else and still have a life, he apologised and the next time he began the nastiness again I left the room, he got the message.  So firstly be honest with her and when it starts again, leave the room, or ignore her and talk to someone else.  It is attention seeking but you should not have to tiptoe around her.  Take care, Carol x 

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    Hello Varebear1, this is a regular topic that pops up from time to time and it's difficult to deal with.  Firstly, it's not your fault that she has incurable cancer, it's a tough hand to be dealt but it's no one else fault.  As you say she is getting away with it, so like a naughty child she pushes the boundaries to see how much you all love her before you lose your temper, then she can say, see I knew you didn't love me.  But it's not the way to deal with it.  My husband had incurable cancer and was pretty mean to me on many occasions and I tolerated it until the penny dropped that the more I took it the more he dished it out!  So one day I turned on him and told him it was not my fault he was ill, I still had to cope with everything else and still have a life, he apologised and the next time he began the nastiness again I left the room, he got the message.  So firstly be honest with her and when it starts again, leave the room, or ignore her and talk to someone else.  It is attention seeking but you should not have to tiptoe around her.  Take care, Carol x 

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