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I don't know how I'll go on without my mum...

bunnyxx
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My mum has been diagnosed with cancer, possibly spreading to all her organs but is definitely in her lungs. I'm 24, live with my mum, her partner, we have 6 dogs which means someone needs to be home at all times. My mum took retirement to look after the home. If I lose my mum, I have no idea how to go on. My stepdad (mum's partner) is a lot to handle when he's upset, I have my own health issues and dealing with him this past 2 weeks has been so irritating, I've not been able to open up to him about how I feel as he's just going on about himself. Both myself and my stepdad work full time, luckily I work 3 on, 4 off, 4 on, 3 off etc, so we can work a rota where he works from home when I need to go to work, then he can go into the office when I have my days off. But, I'm not sure I'll want to stick around if I lose my mum... But then that'll leave my stepdad in a tough situation with 5 dogs (1 dog would be with me), and he's already said it'd be harder if I wasn't around. Without my mum, I have no blood family left, other than some that live over 300 miles away from me. I'm also hoping to go to uni in 2023 to study medicine and move to the same city, what would happen to that? My entire life is about to come tumbling, not only will I lose my mum, my future, freedom and dreams will be lost with her

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    Hiya . I saw this and I touched my heart. Firstly I'd like you to get a really positive head on and go speak to the step dad explain in no uncertain terms he needs to grow up and get his *** together. YOU are loosing YOUR MUM...might be his eife/gfriend but it's your MUM babe. This time is about you and her. You haven't enough head space to worry about him aswell... he must be quite a meek man not to see this and his actions are not that of a grown up. Yes he's loosing his Love but your Mum can't be replaced.

    As far as stating there for the dog...im a dog lover so this is a tough one. Could maybe the 2 biggest go to someone you know temporarily perhaps? You keep your baby and he only has maybe 3 to look after then. Hard i know but I think you've got to harden your sweet kind heart a bit here. It's natural to feel panic at life without MUM...I miss mine everyday still and my son was 16 in December, he was born the day she died.. 

    You will find an inner stregnth once she's passed you never knew you had but it will take time. For now try and spend quality time helping your mum feel comfy and loved. Tell him to man up or *** off as you don't need it, time to step up as step dad eh! 

    Don't rush into anything, you've time to see what happens and how things fall into place. If you can ask your Mum what she thinks re dogs and him after she has gone..hard conversation but this shouldn't all be left on your shoulders. 

    You will be ok. Not sure how I can check back but I will look see if you've been able to reply. If I can help with anything please ask...First time on here so this was meant to be today xx

     

  • Offline in reply to AJHarley

    Thank you for your lovely words, and I'm sorry to hear what you have experienced. 

    I can't say anything like that to my stepdad because he just starts crying and goes in a huff, then gets super depressed and starts saying horrible stuff about not beind here etc. so it's always best I just smile and nod. 

    My mum is due to come home tomorrow and we'll need to rearrange the front room into a bedroom for her so it's easier for her. My stepdad has been going on about it as if he's the one that needs to do it, he's the one that'll be comforting her and whatever else. 

    I'll just cross the bridge when it comes. I definitely think letting some of the dogs go to other homes is a good idea as I've already thought of that one. But I highly doubt my stepdad will allow it. He'd find a way to pick on my dog if I brought it up, saying like "well are you going to give up China in that case?", you know like just turning it round? When I love them all... Just China spends all his time with me because 1. he's mine and 2. China and his dad don't get on so needs to be separate anyway...

    My boyfriends parents have said that I'm free to move in with them, but they wouldn't be able to take China. I wouldn't be able to leave my stepdad anyway, it'd be super selfish of me knowing he'd struggle and just decline mentally. 

    I'm so so stuck... I know exactly how I would like to go on without my mum, but it's basically impossible for me. 

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    Hi bunny .i would say your stepdads frightend of loosing your mum .but not dealing with it to well  .just for the moment forget him .he may settle down once the shock of it all settles .this rotton disease brings out the worst and the best .have a chat on your own show her this post .see what she says .you seem to be in limbo at the moment and as much as we can try and comfort you a kind voice can help only if its to listen .the Samaritan's can be a great help .its a freephone number its on the web .there there for everyone just ring the number and just say your struggling and they will listen .ime getting on a bit and when my partner was told i felt i had to stay strong for her so i would ring them to stop me falling to pieces as i had no one to confide in  . Theres also Cruze . you can ring the local hospice and ask advice about paltive care and counciling any advice .seems now we have to ask for help but its there . Maybe they can help your stepdad to .but keep posting there are otheres going through this or have been like me so you keep asking don't let it build up inside you it dosnt help .Paul

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