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Is it wrong for me to think death would be best for my dad?

Adaline_Ishilly
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My dad has terminal cancer and over the past few weeks he's gotten worse and worse to the point where it seems like he could pass away any day now. I love him to pieces, I'm a daddy's girl through and through but sometimes, especially on days like today when it's been awful with him being agitated, restless, refusing to eat, I sometimes think that it would be so much easier if he were to pass on.

I feel sick to my stomach thinking that, wishing death on my dad, who I love with every fiber of my being. Yet seeing him so sick, unable to care for himself or even recognise his loved ones, is heart-breaking. I don't want him to suffer anymore but I also don't want him to leave.

Is it normal or even ok to think these things? I feel like I'm a terrible daughter for thinking such a horrible thought.

Edit 5/1/22: Thank you all for your kind words and giving me the reassurance I needed. Dad passed away this morning in his sleep with mum at his side and is no longer in pain, though I'm grieving for losing one of the best men in the world I'm relieved to know he's now at peace.

Parents
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    Hey, I am in a very similar position and I think it is normal, okay and perfectly understandable. Watching a parent decline feels like hell on earth for so many reasons. The situation is bad enough without also worrying about if your own feelings are valid or not - feel whatever you need to feel. This is about getting through as unscathed as possible. Don't pile on more worries (I'm talking to myself here too!!). Look after yourself xxx

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    Hey, I am in a very similar position and I think it is normal, okay and perfectly understandable. Watching a parent decline feels like hell on earth for so many reasons. The situation is bad enough without also worrying about if your own feelings are valid or not - feel whatever you need to feel. This is about getting through as unscathed as possible. Don't pile on more worries (I'm talking to myself here too!!). Look after yourself xxx

Children
  • Offline in reply to intothewoodland

    Totally agree I am going through this exact same thing with my mom who has end stage lung cancer I also went through this with my dad who passed away 5years ago from pulmonary fibrosis watching him suffer was the worst thing ever and nearly every night during the last few weeks I prayed the Lord would take him and he'd be free from pain it was unbelievable how painful it was seeing my once strong dad weak and fragile struggling to breath and suffering! And now I'm going through it again I pray that my mom won't suffer like dad did it doesn't mean you don't love them it means you love them enough to not want to watch them suffering! The grief when they leave is horrendous but it's a relief that they ain't suffering! Don't beat yourself up for feeling this way know it's because you love them more than life itself xx 

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