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Is it wrong for me to think death would be best for my dad?

Adaline_Ishilly
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My dad has terminal cancer and over the past few weeks he's gotten worse and worse to the point where it seems like he could pass away any day now. I love him to pieces, I'm a daddy's girl through and through but sometimes, especially on days like today when it's been awful with him being agitated, restless, refusing to eat, I sometimes think that it would be so much easier if he were to pass on.

I feel sick to my stomach thinking that, wishing death on my dad, who I love with every fiber of my being. Yet seeing him so sick, unable to care for himself or even recognise his loved ones, is heart-breaking. I don't want him to suffer anymore but I also don't want him to leave.

Is it normal or even ok to think these things? I feel like I'm a terrible daughter for thinking such a horrible thought.

Edit 5/1/22: Thank you all for your kind words and giving me the reassurance I needed. Dad passed away this morning in his sleep with mum at his side and is no longer in pain, though I'm grieving for losing one of the best men in the world I'm relieved to know he's now at peace.

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    I think it's very normal. I remember when my gran died, not of cancer, but she was ill one winter and I was praying she'd recover, which she did, but slowly and then while recovering, she became ill again around late April. At that point, I started thinking that for me, I wanted her to recover, but for her, I wasn't sure. I didn't want her to die but nor did I want her to recover and spend weeks or months gradually getting better, only to end up in hospital again a couple of months later, each time going a little downhill and the time between illnesses getting less.

    You don't want your dad to suffer. That's normal and caring. Of course, ideally, you would want him to get completely better and of course, you still want him in your life, but you are thinking about him as well as yourself and what he would want. 

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    It's normal To feel like that

    terminal is no way back

    when they are in pain and suffering why would you want him to stay alive keep strong just be there for him

    when my dad was dying with cancer that's all we could do

    it's just a waiting game I'm afraid

    and I felt like I was grieving before and after his death ️ 

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    Hey, I am in a very similar position and I think it is normal, okay and perfectly understandable. Watching a parent decline feels like hell on earth for so many reasons. The situation is bad enough without also worrying about if your own feelings are valid or not - feel whatever you need to feel. This is about getting through as unscathed as possible. Don't pile on more worries (I'm talking to myself here too!!). Look after yourself xxx

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    Totally agree I am going through this exact same thing with my mom who has end stage lung cancer I also went through this with my dad who passed away 5years ago from pulmonary fibrosis watching him suffer was the worst thing ever and nearly every night during the last few weeks I prayed the Lord would take him and he'd be free from pain it was unbelievable how painful it was seeing my once strong dad weak and fragile struggling to breath and suffering! And now I'm going through it again I pray that my mom won't suffer like dad did it doesn't mean you don't love them it means you love them enough to not want to watch them suffering! The grief when they leave is horrendous but it's a relief that they ain't suffering! Don't beat yourself up for feeling this way know it's because you love them more than life itself xx 

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    I am so so sorry to hear what your going through.  I only found out about my brother a month ago, he has already deteriorated so bad and I actually wish he would pass in his sleep even tonight. He is scared and very unwell but does not want to go into hospital, he seriuosly needs medical help but I also don't want him to go through pain and suffering. Of course I love him and don't want to lose him, but don't want to see him suffer. You should have not guilt how you are feeling. You are thinking of your dad and that takes a lot because we always want to keep them here for us. Hope your doing ok. Don't feel any guilt. 

  • Hi Adaline_Ishilly, 

    I just saw you had updated your post with the sad news of your dad's passing and wanted to offer my sincerest and heartfelt condolences for your loss.

    This must be a very difficult time for you and your mum right now but our community are here for you and will do all they can to support you through your grief.

    Our thoughts are with you Adaline_Ishilly.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

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    I adore my mum. She is my world. Watching her being slowly stolen by cancer is breaking my heart, and I feel the same. She's suffering, and I think it's normal to not want to see the people you love suffering. I would rather my mum was in peace than in pain x

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