Hi Jn,

It can be a really scary time, you're not being selfish, you're being practical!  Things often have a way of working themselves out, try not to think too far ahead for now and just prepare or hold on for the ride.  Hard I know, I'm a self confessed control freak!

On a practical note, does your wife have a Macmillan nurse or a support person?  They were invaluable for my mum and stepdad when we were going through the hardest time of our lives.  They were able to help point in the right direction with things like parking permits, disablility parking badges, financial benefits and they also ensured the right care and environment when she was in hospital in her final days.  Granted this was back in 2018/2019 before COVID.

Have you got family and friends who can help get you through?  There's been many times when I've felt on my own or that no one understands even though I'm hugely lucky to have a good strong support network around me.  Mentally it's tough at times, I've had to work on simply putting one foot in front of the other, I've had to work on understanding that I might feel overwhelmed with grief / anxiety / frustration in the moment but in a few days time those feelings will diminish and I'll feel stronger.

It's a common saying but you're braver than you feel and stronger than you seem.  I believe you will find a way through this awful time and eventually emerge through the other side, you've got this! For you and your wife! 

Wishing you both all the best x

Thank you for your supportive words and for sharing your experience. My wife does have a cancer team for support, but it is early days. She ran out of her oral morphine on Saturday so had to endure the pain again. She does have strong pain relief tablets but they just don't do the job. 

I went to meet with the Macmillan financial support at the hospital last Thursday and they were very helpful.

My wife has three grown up kids and three grandchildren, so she has support and comfort from them.

Because I'm trying to be strong for everyone, I don't feel I can let my feelings and emotions show due to them all being so upset by the situation. 

It's even harder now after losing my sister in-law last December to COVID, then losing my brother in February due to drink. So it's already been a tough year.I was also made redundant and had to seek another job which I found, only to have to give it up to care for my wife.

I try and keep going but the worry for my wife and now being in an insecure position financially, it's proving to be pretty stressful. 

Only time will tell I guess.

JJW

Hi i hope im right with what I say but we get help with council tax and attendance allowance  , with me being a carer for my wife I got in touch with " carers first" . they were a great help with plenty of things and plenty of info .

Hope you can get things sorted,alot of things take time and need a push .

So sorry about your wife and hope you both can sort out whether to have treatment or not .??

My wife has Alzheimer's and Parkinson's plus had quite a few Tia's and other problems ,im on palative care , prostate cancer gone to lymph nodes spine ribs pelvis and a lung,i still do house work and some gardening we have carers for my wife but I manage alot of things especially night time  .

There's a lot of help out there just having to search for it doesn't help .

Billy

Thank you Billy. It's definitely harder than people think. Thank you for sharing, it is appreciated very much. We are just concentrating on having a good Christmas with the family. I thing making memories is very important at the moment, we know it will be a hard process once my wife starts her Chemotherapy. 

I will take your advice regarding the carer points you mentioned. Take care of you and yours and muc thanks

JJW

i wasn't very good with chemotherapy as I have other medical problems which reacted badly but I managed okay and im glad I did .

I was diagnosed Feb 2016 ,on permanent hormone therapy and at start chemo,if i hadn't id not have lasted the year.

Again hope you can get things moving and organized .

Keep positive it does help.

Billy