Hi,
A couple of weeks ago my partner and I were told that his mum has terminal cancer and she is now on end of life care at home. My partner has been doing everything be can to get the nurses in place as previously his mum had been refusing to see anyone. She is now as comfortable as she can be, with my partner and his sister staying with him.
On Friday, two days after he arrived at his mum's bungalow, he asked me to come stay with him with our dog which was a given, that we would all be together. However, I didn't anticipate what this would mean. As soon as we arrived I was shut in the lounge and told to stay with the dog, as he isn't allowed to run around or cause a disturbance. My partner was rushing around trying to check on his mum (who he had left alone for a few hours while he collected me) and was clearly and understandably stressed and emotional. I was also very anxious. The dog was scratching at the door, I didn't know how long I had to remain in the lounge, needed to feed the dog and needed to pee! When my partner came back into the room I told him I needed to get water for the dog and needed the loo but was trapped in the lounge. He flipped and it ended with him calling me a selfish ****. He has since said I said I was trapped at the bungalow all weekend and said it was the most horrendous thing and he knows what I said. He won't listen to any of my reasonings and it has further spiralled to the point that I have left.
I feel terrible, but also very angry. Im worried I am selfish, letting own emotional needs come to the fore in such a delicate time. But I also feel really angry about how he's treated me. He ended up dumping me, telling me I'm stressing him out more than anything and to leave. He later apologised for this but I was so hurt I couldn't accept it and made a decision to leave and not cause anymore stress. I made things worse when he took us out for lunch and I aired a concern that things were tense between us, and he reacted badly, then he was angry and when he drove us home he hit a curb at high speed caused a flat tyre to my car. He's made me feel responsible for this, for talking about stuff.
Im a very sensitive person, so don't think that I am selfish. But I am very anxious, so not sure if these manifested to cause loads more stress than is normal. Can anyone with anxiety help and give advice on how they balance their own mental health as well as support a loved one? In my heart I feel like I shouldn't have gone to his mum's and like it was a terrible idea given the amount going on, the small space. I feel like I would have been more help from home, but was scared to tell my partner that for fear of upsetting him / abandoning him...?
