Hello and thank you for posting.

I am sorry to hear about the worry and anxiety you have about a having a colonoscopy. You may have had an opportunity to talk with a member of the colorectal team and been able to say why you are worried about having one. If not I do think you need to. 

I don't think anyone looks forward to having a colonoscopy. Having one for most people is at worse uncomfortable and awkward. Some people will be sedated as this can make having it done more comfortable.  While some people may find having one is embarrassing please know that the endoscopist (the health professional who carries these out) will have done these many times and will not be embarrassed, they also will respect your privacy.  

Because you have cancelled this test a few times it is likely that you will be asked to go back to your GP if you have concerns about any symptoms you have. I am not sure if the colorectal team will want you to have any other test this is because the colonoscopy is the best test to see inside your large bowel and that can take a biopsy if it is needed.  Scans (for example CT scans) can only take pictures and on its own cannot take biopsies.  Do re-consider this especially as your describe your symptoms getting worse.

We have information about having a colonoscopy which includes a video of someone having it on our website here 

I hope you will be okay. Please get back to us if you need any more information or support.  You may find it helpful to talk things through with one of the nurses on our helpline.  The number to call is Freephone 0808 800 4040 and the lines are open from 9am till 5pm Monday to Friday.

Take care,

Caroline 

Hello Mg351,

                l would not think there is a single person who would willingly embrace having a colonoscopy,it would always be a case of needing to.Having had a goodly few l can Affirm that it has not been my favourite pastime,however l am still here today enjoying my favourite things because of having had these. It rapidly diagnosed a tumour that tipped over into a stage four which subsequently spread to my liver.All l can say is that if l had delayed l would not be typing this message.

 In my case l pointed out that l have a tendency to lash out at anything/one inflicting pain upon me,and on every occaision l was sedated so much l drifted off to the land of Nod and never felt anything,the hardest thing being drinking the moviprep to clear your bowels and passing wind following the examination.

l think you should discuss your worries with the medical team before you go in for the proceedure and l am sure they would be able to devise a sedation regime that will ease your worries.

You have posted on this site because it is cancer related ,so you obviously have concerns that its this that  might be afflicting you,All l can tell you is that Cancer does not do waiting or time outs,Neither will you find easier options for an accurate and rapid diagnosis.The choice between enduring a short term embarrasment or journeying towards a possible beyond the point of treatment would suit Cancer but not l am sure yourself..As a survlivor l hate cancer,hate what it does to people and would not give it an inch,you have to ask yourself if you are prepared too.?and accept that it will never settle for just that.

                                          l hope you can find your way to go forward and head towards getting on with life,

              David

Hi Caroline,

Thankyou so much for your reply,  I got an urgent call to go to the hospital today, I thought to discuss things but not, they all seemed confused as to what was going on. However in the end they have now suggested a colon endoscopy camera capsule, which to me if possible is a great relief. So I hope this works for me at least.

I do appreciate your comments and know it takes sometime to reply to so many emails you must receive. I think my problem is that I have had several unfortunate incidents, in hospitals, dentists etc that going to hospital becomes a self fulfilling prophecy in that it will be horrible and it always seems to be horrible for me. So needles I struggle with terribly, and then the loss of control and then to be 'exposed' etc in such a way is just so daunting for me. I can sit here and think I can do it but as the time comes I become increasing more anxious, it actually comes in waves, I breakdown and cry and then the next day I can be much better. My GP won't help me because they say if they give me anything it might contradict what they give me in hospital. Inote your links etc but unfortunately for me the more I know the worse it is. In an ideal world I would not want to know anything until afterwards. I can cope with the pain I think, but going to hospital seeing the coloured clothes they wear, then having to wear the ID bracelet, removing your clothes, to me it just depersonalises you and then YOU are the focus of their attention is just so daunting and that is what petrifies me to the core.

I will let all know how it goes when I hear something next

MG351

Hi David,

Thanks for your reply, I hope very much all goes well for you, I know what you say is logical, objective and 100% correct. I can sit here and agree totally with all you say. However its almost like the are 2 people inside me the logical one and the fearful one. At some point the fearful one takes control and objectivity goes out the window because I am so scared and petrified I can barely think at all, I am unable to even fill the forms in they give you and struggle to write even my name, I become a total wreck, which in itself is embarrasing.

As you can see above I had an urgent call today to go to the hospital and they say that it might be possible for me to have a capsule endoscopy of the colon. Obviously I would much prefer this so I am hoping for this in the short term. Anything else I will have to try and deal with down the road.

Once again thank you for taking the time to write, at least others can see things which might help them, that would be a good thing. You look after yourself and know that your writings help others.

I will post an update in due course when I hear someting more.

MG351

Hi David

Thanks yes a real relief but it's a maybe not a certainty and I realise it's not as good as a colonoscopy which could follow.

You take care my friend

Mg351

Well I've been to the hospital again yesterday unable to sleep so it seems I can't have the capsule I didn't ask why as mentally I don't function very well in these situations.

I was offered a colonoscopy with a general anaesthetic but using a NEEDLE or a CT scan with dye which is using a NEEDLE. I choose the CT scan but then they said you need to have a blood test within 3 months of the scan my last one was beginning of the year and that was a real struggle. So I'm am afraid my embarrassment and needle phobia has won. I choose neither. Part of me knows that is not good but at the moment I cannot do this and I note it is said well the clinical staff are not embarrassed but that's not really my point it's ME that's embarrassed.

I was then offered a FIT test and a CT scan without contrast, which I will do. Then I think if the FIT test is ok then I'm going to leave things and see what happens if the pain etc becomes too bad then look for something online. Not an ideal solution but fear is a very powerful thing and I've tried counselling many times both NHS and private but nothing has worked nor hypnosis.

Hello and thanks for getting back to us again,

I am sorry to hear that you were not able to have the colonoscopy or CT scan with dye but it is good that you are able to have the FIT test and the CT without contrast.

I do hope that this all goes well for you.

All the Best,

Catherine

Thanks for your reply it seems like a great weight has been lifted off me by me deciding the colonoscopy is too much for me to go through. I realize it's far less than ideal and there could be some negative consequences, hopefully the fit test will pick up any bleeding, a positive result would not be a good outcome for me obviously, as I still think it would be a no for me.

I do appreciate people's support it's a good forum to help people on. 

Best to everyone

 mg351

Hi mg351!

I hope you got the capsule done and the results were good.

I think I'm similar to you! I have abnormal FIT result but just can't face the thought of the colonoscopy offered on 2ww (or ANY other invasive test really - I just can't bare the thought of canula, scopes, "plastic tube in a vein" etc.) 

I am not anxious about health in general, happy to support others, research things, watch procedures, aren't scared of risks - I just can't have anything done to me.

The sedation offered seems inadequate  for me - even looking at private with propofol won't work as it doesn't get me into the room as I doesn't address pre-procedure anxiety. Everybody  I speak to just labours the point about how important it is. I fully understand but it doesn't help.

My partner had the colonoscopy at the SAME hospital and even that doesn't help!

So I'm taking my chances and ignoring the request (as I'm symptom free) and trying to get MH support.  I've tried this before but didn't find anything to help but I can't cheat aging forever.

Hugs to you!