The only way to cure me of cancer the surgeon told me on Thursday is to remove all my bowel and rectum and have a bag. Im unable to bring myself to have this done. Ive never wanted an operation ive never wanted a bag fitted. Its not me.If i dont have this done it will be painful and i will have bleeding from the cancer. I dont wont this either.
The belly button poylp i have is already staring to block my colon tube. If it gets any bigger it will mean a life threatening operation and definatly a bag. I know it is already starting to do that by the size of my excrement.This is destressing frightening and worrying. I asked the surgeon if he could take the belly button colon polyp out. on its own. He said he would take it out the same time i had my cancer out.
I asked him how long would i have left to live if i didn't have an operation. He said its hard to say. He never committed himself to give me a rough estimate.
He told me if i didn't wont the operation to let them know Selolm the cancer nurse was there at the appointment shes supposed to be giving me a ring this week some time never said what day or time to see if i wont to have the operation or not. She was supposed to phone my sister to let her know what had been discussed in that appointment and never rung her. Honestly how can i make up my mind in a couple of days or so espeically when im hosptail phobic what happened to me in the theatre with the aneathertist having adhd artiusm mental health.
I got a letter back from pals investigation they have glossed over what happened in the theatre theres was no mention of why tht came to see me in place of the actual aneathesiologist himself hadn't put down on the form i don't want to have a pre med i didn't wont to stay in hospital. Nor did they say any thing about why the aneathesiologist hadn't read the form he told the theatre nurse to go have a look. No mention of the damage the aneathersiologist did to my hand and arm by forcing the cannulation in my bad hand and arm.i had to go to my gp with it she told me the cannulaistation had irreted my nerve increased my antriptline for a month. Ive already been told by the consultant endcrolist that she thinks its them that is increasing some thing in my blood. I told my gp that she ignored what i had said. I might have to go back to have physio on my bad arm if it doesn't settle down. This is really distressed me deeply hurt me traumatised me even more increased my hospital phobia made me feel they can do whatever they like to me it's ok for them to do because they have people that will gloss over it for them stick up for them lie for them. I was their peice of meat to do whatever they like to do to me for their ego boosting fun and kicks out me. I am just their puppet for them to pull the strings whenever they want to for whatever reasons they want to. Im a great beliver in what goes around comes around. They too are in the same system has me. It will happen to them their families their friends at some point in their lives.
The only way out of this is to end my life. It's made me really wont to knowing all this. I know im not able to do this.
Im so stuck. Theres no way out of this.
