Really worried about my mum.

My mum is 79. She has been a smoker since 14. She has had a rattling cough on waking for years although it improves through the day. She has been complaining about back pain for weeks. Her appetite has been diminishing since around March. She has replaced her mattress twice in a month but the back pain is getting worse. It seems to be worse at night. Over the last few days she has all but stopped eating. She will pick at cold foods and ice cream. She has lost a dramatic amount of weight in a fortnight. She has been quite active until about a week ago including walking her dog but is no longer doing anything other than lying on her bed. Fortunately she lives with us so I am able to do things for her. She won’t go to the doctor, largely because she is afraid. I’m obviously very worried but I can’t do anything until she either gets worse to the extent I can call an ambulance or agrees to see the GP. Any advice gratefully received. 

  • Hello Cillabub

    I'm sorry to hear about your Mum's situation. It certainly sounds as if she would benefit from seeing a doctor, even if just for better pain management. 

    Our nurse team don't work weekends, so you won't receive a reply from them until Monday when they are back in the office. I wonder if your Mum might agree to you calling NHS 111 for some advice over the weekend. They can always arrange for a doctor to call out and see her if she's not physically capable of travelling to see someone. 

    If you want to speak with one of our nurses, you can call them on 0808 800 4040, Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm. 

    I do hope that your Mum and you can access the support needed soon. 

    Best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator 

  • Thank you Jen. She’s also describing taste cha fed. Nothing tastes right. She’s agreed to go to the doctor tomorrow. 

  • Hello and thanks for posting

    I'm sorry to read about your mum's situation and her refusal to see her GP about her symptoms.

    I'm not sure if your mum has shared why she won't see her GP. It may be about fear, losing control, or just feeling overwhelmed.

    As an adult, she is within her rights not to see her doctor, but she needs to understand the implications of doing this, such as her symptoms getting worse.

    I’m sure you’ve tried to tell her how worried you are as you know she is deteriorating. You can gently explain that you just want to help with her pain and make her more comfortable, but you can’t do that without her being assessed by the GP.

    If you feel your mum is deteriorating out of GP hours and needs to be assessed in an emergency, then please call NHS111 or attend the nearest A+E department.

    Give us a ring if you would like to talk anything over. The number to call is Freephone 0808 800 4040 and the lines are open from 9am till 5pm Monday to Friday.

    Kind regards,

    Celene