I was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer in January I have had the operation to remove it and was a great success to the extent that I have not needed chemotherapy or radiotherapy after and am working hard to get back to fitness and back in work around 6 hour per day but none of that seems to matter to me any more I feel I’ve lost me I’m not me I dislike me I don’t want to be me everybody is so supportive I feel ungrateful and just want to go it’s just I haven’t wanted to tell anybody not even close family how I’m feeling I don’t want to feel like this but it’s constantly in my head why I’m still here do I want to be here is it or has it been worth it I always seem to get this far writing on a forum then delete me post I no I need help I just can’t seem to talk is it just me or do others get what I’m on about