Hi Cokey,  I think I get where you are coming from.  I had breast cancer in 2013, with surgery, chemo and radiotherapy and then medication for five years.  After all this I was no longer the old me.  Cancer definitely changes you and life is never the same.  I didn't like the new me, I felt tired, ugly, fat and just didn't like myself.  Now 12 years later I have learned to like the new me, it's hard and somethings can't be changed but I felt more in control when I changed things that could be changed.  You could phone the helpline on here and talk it through with one of the nurses.  Macmillan organized some counselling for me as well which was helpful.  Also their is a cancer charity called Penny Brohn and they do a zoom course about life after cancer which might help.  I think how you are feeling is normal.  

Thanks for you reply the thing I’m  finding the hardest is talking in person im glad youve found to like the new you i really hope i get to that point i can’t at the moment even talk to my wife or family about the feelings as i just feel im burdening my problems on them when I’ve already asked so much of them this i suppose has been the first step to talking about what im feeling and hopefully i get the courage to talk to family or a doctor maybe

Hi Cokey.  It is good to talk but can be tough, I find it hard too.  Just think if it had been your wife diagnosed you would want her to be able to talk to you and I am sure you wouldn't feel like she was burdening you.  I found that it was easier to talk to someone on the forum who wasn't directly involved in the family so you could say what you felt without making more worries for your loved ones.  Your are right being able to post on here is a first step and you made that step.  I find it helpful for me to be able to say things on here because it is a safe place.  I am on here almost daily if you want to chat.

Lee 

Hi there cokey and thanks for posting

I am sorry to hear about the surgery you had earlier this year, it is good to hear you didn't need more treatment after your op but this doesn't take away all you have been through.

Any cancer diagnosis affects people in different ways but often it is life changing and can change the way you see yourself. As others on here have said it takes time to come to terms with all you have been through so be kind to yourself.

Talking therapies can help process your thoughts and feelings so do explore what counselling or other services may be available to you. Cancer support centres such as Maggies and Macmillan offer psychological support and other moving forward groups ( including the the penny brohn one) that can also help.

Do also speak with your family and GP about how you are feeling in case they can suggest other things to help you through this time as well.

I hope this is helpful but do get back in touch if you wish to, you are also very welcome to call the nurse helpline if you would like. We're here weekdays 9-5 on 0808 800 4040.

All the best

Naomi