I am very sorry to hear about the passing of your husband and I can understand how this can make you more aware of your own situation.
It is difficult for us to say very much about the treatment that you have had for your own condition without being involved in your care.
Everyone's situation is so different and it is very difficult to compare one person with another. Try if you can not to compare your own illness with what your husband has had.
I do hope that you are getting support from your friends and family and support from your hospital.
It may be helpful to talk through how you are feeling with your GP to see what help and support they may be able to give you.
It sounds like you have been through so much. Some patients find that counselling can help. You could talk to your GP about this. Macmillan offer Free Bupa counselling sessions. Have a look at their details here.
It takes time to grieve and get over someone's passing so do give yourself time. We have some information on our website about coping with grief which you may find helpful to look at here.
Do let your team know about the thoughts that you have been having about your own outcome. It can be so hard and lonely not to share how you are feeling about your own situation.
If you have a Maggie's centre at a hospital nearby you may find some of their courses or support quite helpful. They also offer online as well as in person help which all patients and relatives can access. Have a look at their details here.
You may find it more helpful to ring and speak to one of the helpline nurses. We are here Monday to Friday 9 am to 5 pm and our number is Freephone 0808 800 4040.
