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My Mum - support

Sly0206
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Hi

My Mum was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer 10 months ago at the age of 83

She completed her course of chemo & radiotherapy in May. Since then she has been up & down in terms of depression, sickness, loss of appetite & tiredness. My 84 year old Dad is her main carer and she is also in receipt of attendance allowance which despite numerous suggestions they are reluctant to employ a cleaner/home help so this is putting undue pressure on my dad who has his own health issues. 

I no longer live close to them I am keen for them to come and spend some time with me for a change of scenery and to give my Dad a rest. However I am meeting resistance from them to come and stay with me, the main reason are the length of journey, which would be 7 hours by car, obviously we would drive, and also if my Mum became unwell she is a long way from the hospital were she is receiving her treatment.

My questions are as follows:

Am I being unrealistic that a 7 hour car journey is acceptable for parents in their 80s?

If my Mum became unwell whilst staying with us would she be able to receive treatment at a hospital close to where I live i.e. would they be able to access her medical records to then provide her with the treatment she requires?

I worry that her diagnosis/treatment has become all consuming and there is little joy left in both their lives. I don't know how long she has left but want to ensure that it can be as enjoyable as possible.

Thanks for any support/suggestions you can offer

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    Hi I'm thinking it could be good for them to have a break despite the long journey they could well benefit from being cared for ,for a while especially your Father whether you can persuade them is another matter ,I'm sure the nurses on here will be able to answer your questions about hospital treatment if required whilst they are visiting you ,I hope you can all experience a little joy I think it would make a big difference to you all x

  • Hello, and thanks for your post,

    I can understand how lovely it would be to have your mum close at hand so you can help care for her and give your dad a break.

    I wonder whether it would be a good idea to get permission from your mum to speak to her GP so your GP can assess her and say whether they think that she would be able to make the journey in the car.

    If your mum's GP thought that this would be a good idea then this would hopefully give your mum more confidence in going on the journey. You may also be able to seek the GP's advice about any medication that she can take on the journey that may help any nausea that she has been experiencing.

    Without being involved in her care it is hard for me to be able to say whether she would cope with such a long journey. You may have to stop for regular breaks which may make the journey slightly longer.

    You could also get a letter from the GP explaining your mum's situation and any medication she is on so you could have this at hand if you had to visit any hospital if she felt unwell.

    I do hope that you manage to get your mum and dad to stay. A change of scene and being with family may be just what your mum and dad need.

    If you would like to ring and chat this through with one of the nurses on the helpline then you are welcome to give us a ring.

    our helpline number is freephone 0808 800 4040 and we are here Monday to Friday 9 am to 5 pm.

    All the best,

    Catherine

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