Hi Everyone!

I am new to this forum but not to the CR site as I make a regular donation. We just got the devestating news on Tuesday of this week that my husband's bowel cancer has recurred after his successful operation to remove the tumour and be cancer free back in January this year (just about 6 months ago). It was an absolute `hammer blow` when the surgeon told us on Tuesday and since then I have been an absolute mess! I am going back to the way I was before his initial diagnosis last July in that I can't now focus on anything other than this, I feel sick at the thought of eating because my stomach is constanly doing sommersaults but just force myself to eat.  Sleeping is not a problem but I've been waking up the last couple of mornings just feeling like I don't want to get out of bed and takes a little time for me to do that. I am on tablets for depression for a illness that causes this of my own and last year my GP increased my dosage because I explained to him over the phone what was going on and he said if I felt better I could reduce the dosage back to original one but unfortunately now I will have to keep it as it is but don't want to increas it further.  The tumour has come back in his stomach lining and some is showing in his pelvis. He met up with his surgeon back in May for his follow-up appointment after surgery and she did blood tests with him and then about 2 or 3 weeks after that we got a letter to say that his CEA markers had risen and the CT scan that had been scheduled for later this year was being brought forward. He went for the CT scan and we thought nothing more about it and then we got a phone call at home last Thursday to say they wanted to see him in person at the hospital. The alarm bells began to ring then because usually if they phone you its something bad and it was we got the news on Tuesday and the surgeon seemed so upset about the whole thing as it was herself who performed his operation. She said surgery is not an option this time because of where the tumour is there's `tubes` round about or something she said and I don't know if there will be complications in doing surgery. I was trying my best to take everything in but all was just a daze. What she did say was that the tumour is `slow growing` so he's looking at years here not days, weeks or months and looking at all the information it seems these types of tumours are `low grade cancer`? would I be right in saying this? She said he's not going anywhere anytime soon and it could be years well into the future before any adverse effects show. We now have to see his oncologist in 2 weeks time to get a management plan set up which is probably going to involve chemotherapy. When he went through his first treatment to shrink his tumour they did chemoradiation which consisted of courses of radiotherapy and chemotherapy in tablet form which he could take at home. He had no adverse effects when doing this. So hopefully he'll go down this route again if its viable. The surgeon said that the chemotherapy may shrink the tumour right down so there may be a chance surgery maybe an option again at a later stage. After his first surgery when we met with the oncologist I asked if he would need any further courses of chemo or radiotherapy and he said no. His words were along the lines of  `If no treatment is presently needed, they don't do or start anything at that time`. I just wonder now if he had extra courses of chemo or radiotherapy it may killed off any of these stray micro cells that can get missed and are hard to detect. I am a little angry at that but the oncologist is the person who knows best so you put your trust in them. Ironically its my husband who is trying to stay positive and look on the bright side of things but I know he's `scared` and all sorts will be running through his head when he's sitting on his own. He is also type 2 diabetic so he has this as well as his age (68) going against him. His surgeon was not very happy either when she found out that his blood sugar levels were not being monitored since he came out of hospital in January. The blood tests had also shown that these had shot up also and when he was in hospital his blood sugars were being tested every other day. So she was writing to our GP practice immediately to get this sorted out. My husband has lost some weight too but I think it's the stress of all this. It all started after he got the letter about his CEA markers he just stopped eating or ate very little but his surgeon told him because of his high blood sugar levels its possible this has caused his weight to drop too because we never knew that high blood sugar levels can cause weight loss too. His eating habits have increased again though but whether this is through shock or denial its hard to tell.  I just feel confused, angry and scared that I'm now going to lose him but hopefully not for a good while yet. Hope you can help with some advice.