Hi,

I just read your message on the other page where you mention you received no replies and you think this is not the place to continue. Obviously if you have made the decision to leave this cancer forum its your decision but I just wished to say that because you posted under 'Ask the Nurses' I personally woulod neber have read your post as I don't read the messages under the 'Ask the Nurses' section purely because I'm not a Nurse and I feel my reply would not be qualified so I would imagine had you posted on the other pages I'm sure at some point you would have received some kind and helpful replies from others. Also with it being a Bank Holiday weekend many people are just simply busy and would eventually sit down and read messages and reply. I have only just sat down myself to catch up on here.....I am my Mum's full time carer, my Mum has recently been diagnosed with incureable (hate that word!) lung cancer and the whole weekend from Thursday onwards has been one problem after another, I just simply haven't had the time or heart to log onto the internet really until now.

I too have found some of my posts don't always get a reply or maybe just the odd one, but I don't read too much into it as I think perhaps people can't think of a reply or maybe I just posted at the wrong time when not many people are here but then you could receive the most kindest response and it makes such a difference.

Having read your post firstly I am deeply sorry to hear you have gone through cancer twice yourself, I hope now you are progressing as well as you can be and having plenty of support. So sorry to read of your friend's daughter, life can be so cruel and it must be a hellish time for them all. What a predicament to be in, wishing and willing your daughter to take treatment but also not wishing to forec or impose your own views when she has decided to take another pathway. I don't think anyone can tell you what to do but personally if I were you I would have a general chat with your friend's daughter, offer support and advice and explain the options available to her from your own experience but tell her that ultimately the end decision is hers and she will be supported no matter what she decides, because after all when it's all said and done only the person going through the actual journey can make that decision on their own wishes. You could share with her how desparately worred and concerned everyone is over her treatment and all her Mum wishes is for her to recover again. Maybe she could talk to a cancer therapist or support worker and both her and her Mum could discuss with someone else their thinking and feelings. Its impossible for you to say "I would do this" because it has to be her decision but offering her advice, your own experiences and giving her support is the most kindest thing in that situation. Its so difficult. I would guess that she already knows that without treatment her life could be less than if she were to take conventional treatment, but having said that sometimes the side affects of conventional treatment can reduced someone's life or could cause other serious problems, there are no guarantees. You sound a lovely person to ask on behalf of someone else, you must be valued for your friend to reach out to you. I hope it goes as well as it can.

I hope you stay here. I'm here if you ever need a chat. Take care.

Jane x

I actually started a reply before seeing that it was posted in Ask the Nurses and then decided not to continue as I am no expert and as it is a medical question, I did not want to give information that might be inaccurate in a section where I assume people are looking for medical advice from people with some qualifications in the area.

In your position, what I would do is to talk about your own experience. Rather than telling her what she should do or that she will die, you could phrase it as "as you know, I went through breast cancer twice and I am really grateful to be here today, which I might not be if I had not had access to *insert whatever treatment you had*".

I don't think you would be interfering in another woman's decision. You'd just be giving her information that might help her make an informed decision. At the moment, she might be overwhelmed with various information and reacting without thinking (or she may have done her research and made her decision, in which case you might not be able to change her mind but I don't see any harm in giving her the specific information you have and those who have not gone through breast cancer do not).

She might welcome the chance to talk with somebody who has gone through it themselves, even if she doesn't want your advice about treatment. Just to talk to somebody who has actually experienced it and knows how she feels might help. I'd approach it from that angle. "Really sorry to hear of your diagnosis. It sucks, doesn't it? You know I've been through it twice, so if you want to ask anything about my experience, feel free. I know everybody's experience is different and of course, you should listen to your doctors as what helped me might not work for you, but what I found helpful was... I am really glad I had access to such a treatment..."

Thank you.

Thank you.