Firstly I'm sorry to hear this. Your husbands cancer sounds very much like my Mums except she didn't last so long after being diagnosed as terminal.  She was first diagnosed around 2 years ago but at that point it was early. Chemo and radiotherapy seemed to work until May 21 when she started to be sick. Scans showed it was back. NSCLC metastases to other lung, adrenal gland. They offered chemo which she accepted, that was in July/August. October, mum had a seizure and e were told it had reached her brain in three areas. Things went downwards after that and mum passed away in December. I understand completely the need to feel prepared, it's the only physical thing we can do. The things I appreciate  now are that we made memories, took pictures, I didn't record enough videos but I  spent as much time as possible with her.  I miss her so much especially her voice. We knew it was coming but I never could have prepared for how I'd feel. Be kind to yourself. Accept help where you can, Macmillan didn't help us much and neither did the hospice. In the end it was the hospital who moved heaven and earth to get her a bed. We were going to look after her at home but felt it of our depth with the seizures. For us and for Mum it was the right decision. She needed help with everything especially the last few weeks. She slept a lot and struggled to get to the bathroom. She ate little bit we gave her whatever she wanted. She was quite confused but e just went with the flow. The practical things were the toileting, giving medication, cooking, washing, personal hygiene. We managed on our own until two days before she passed but I wouldn't advise it. Get the help put in place soon. All the best.

Hello Ashy1 and thanks for your post

I'm not sure if your husband has a lung clinical nurse specialist (CNS) but if so, they or the GP are a good starting point to discuss him being referred to the palliative care team or to a Macmillan nurse who can ensure things are in place as and when they might be needed.

We have some more information about end of life care and support in our dying with cancer section of our website here. When patients reach this point of their disease a discussion usually happens between the nurse and the patient to discuss their wishes about how and where they would like to spend the last weeks or days of their life, whether this be at home or in a hospice. From this discussion the most appropriate referrals can be made to community services and health care services needed for the patient (such as a GP/district nurses/ hospice/occupational therapist/social services and so on).

Palliative (end of life) care is about keeping the patient as comfortable and as symptom free as possible to ensure the best quality of life until the end comes. This phase can be quite short but for others can go on for several weeks or even longer in some cases. The specialist team involved in your husband's care will be in a better position to discuss what the prognosis ( how long he may have) with you both to help prepare for what might come.

I hope this is of some use. Please get back to us if you need any more information or support.  You may find it helpful to talk things through with one of the nurses on our helpline.  The number to call is Freephone 0808 800 4040 and the lines are open from 9am till 5pm Monday to Friday.

Kind regards,

Celene

Hello Loulou98 and thanks for sharing the story of your mum

I am very sorry to hear about the passing of your mum and appreciate what a difficult time this must be for you and your family. You must miss her so much and hope you have other family and friends support around you at this time.

It is never easy to watch a loved one go through treatment and then lose them to cancer but I am sure the words you have written will help others navigate their journey through something similar.

Do get back if you need to or if you ever want to talk then our number is 0808 800 4040 Monday-Friday 9-5.

Take care

Naomi

Hello there again

Just to say it sounds like you really did do your best for your mum. As difficult as it must have been you cared for and respected  her wishes until the very end.

It is hard enough watching a loved one slipping away but this is made so much harder when they are in denial about what is happening to them and refuse to let anyone else in to help. This must have been such a strain for you all to take on but you did and your mum was very fortunate to have you all looking after her till the very end.

All the very best to you and the rest of your family.

Naomi