I'm 61 years young,with a terminally ill Dad of 84. At present my 86yr old, very frail Mum is looking after him. I've been extremely close to my parents all my life, and being the eldest with two younger brothers who live far away, they have always been dependent on me and my husband. Dad was diagnosed with asbestosis a number of years ago, but having such an amazing appetite for life, he didn't let it stand in his way, and chose to ignore it. He is now struggling for breath, is weak and frail, and losing weight. I can't even begin to imagine how he's feeling, emotionally,never mind the awful symptoms of lung cancer, which have more or less left him house and bed bound. I have always had an unusual closeness with him, no one has ever taken me to such highs or lows in my life, we are so alike in every way. I am now feeling quite incapable of dealing with the inevitable loss of someone who has been the mainstay of my existence. I feel guilty, that I have life still, one minute, tearful and terrified the next. I always thought that with maturity came wisdom, to deal with things like this, well I am really hopeless, and often wonder if it's not better to lose your parents when you're young. My parents have been married for 64yrs, I know that my Mum won't last without him, this is also frightening me witless. I live in South Africa, although we are originally from Scotland and our entire family are still there, my parents, my children and grandchildren, live as a little unit in SA. The thought of losing them and having to continue life here without them scares me to death. I find I'm crying every time I hear the golden oldies, which they love listening to, or music from the war years, see a, doccie on the second world war, and I'm romanticising those years over and over in my head, that I sometimes feel I'm losing the plot. If I'm battling now, heaven alone knows how I'll deal with my life when they're gone.My husband and adult children are being very patient with me, but it's not fair on them. Are there others out there who feel the same?, I would dearly love to hear from them. Obsessive daughter.
