insomniacity

Hello everyone! A little about me: My father died about a year and a half ago. He was initially diagnosed with Colon Cancer, had numerous surgeries, radiation and chemotherapy. Once he started to make a recovery from this, he began feeling very tired and breathless. A bone marrow biopsy confirmed a second cancer, Multiple Myeloma and despite numerous chemotherapy regimes, he unfortunately died 6 months after this was diagnosed. I helped to take care of my Dad when he was sick. I remember feeling as though I was watching some sort of horrifyingly sad movie that I could not stop, pause or rewind, and about half way through it I knew exactly how it was going to end. All of the appointments, the different medications and their side effects, the hospital stays, all became like one big blur. I had never known a life without my Dad in it. He was always active and healthy. He was always there. Watching someone you love so much fight the fight of their lives and not being able to make it better for them is a different kind of pain. It changes how you look at life. It changes you. I still miss my Dad every single day. Now, I am again at a place where I never thought I would be at. After my Dad died, I began to research our family history and in doing that I discovered multiple generations of my family that had the same types of cancers. In August I am scheduled for genetic counselling and testing. And now here I am at 35 years old. For the past 6 months, I have been experiencing vague symptoms of bloating, abdominal discomfort, back pain and heavier menstrual cycles. After an Ultrasound and blood work, I am scheduled to have more blood work and an abdominal and pelvic CT scan. This will hopefully not reveal anything cancer related, but I would be lying if I said I was not out of my mind with worry!! :( This seems to be a very supportive and positive community. I hope to be able to use my experiences to support and help others, as well as find some support and encouragement for myself along the way. Thank you for taking the time to read this! :)