Hi I lost my husband on 1st December 2019 he was the love of my life,we had been together 18 1/2 years married for 16 1/2 yrs ,3children he was taken from us by multiple myeloma first the disease took his legs paralysis from chest down causing him to be wheelchair bound and caused other complications he fought really hard for 3 1/2 hrs in and out of hospital then on my birthday 14 nov he was in so much pain I contacted palliative nurse then took him to hospice for pain relief not realising he would not come home. I feel so lost I cared for him for last years of his life now feels so empty still does not feel reel I am 45 .cant bear shops not having Xmas this year don’t know what to do with myself