I lost my nan to cancer many years ago now. Everyday i regret not telling her all the time how much i loved her. My nan has played a massive part of my life, she has one-hundred percent made me the person i am today, and i am forever thankful and grateful for that. It was hard growing up with someone who was constantly battling cancer, first breast and then brain, which unfortunately took all of her strength away, then sadly her life. All i remember now was the suffering she went through, pretty much all of the first stages were either hidden or not servere enough for me to notice as a child. Now i have grown up, i constantly think about my nan and how i never said what i needed to say... My last memory of my nan was when she was laying in her bed, pale faced and weak... i gave her a get well soon card and left, i didn't even say "i love you nan"... even though i was scared and hated seeing her suffering i couldn't bare myself to see her like that. I regret it everyday. What I'm trying to say is that anyone out there now suffering from cancer or helping those though cancer should not hide the truth from anyone, no matter how young they are. I wish now that my parents would have told me exactly what was going on with my nan and let me see her before she slipped away.
I can't lie, it has effected me in ways i never thought it would, quite often i wish i could go over to her house and watch her make a fruit cake like i used to as a child... id just sit there and watch her do her thing, i remember the smell of sweet creamy cake mix and dark brown sugar, i was mesmerised by it... i always used to secretly eat the raw mix without her looking, sometimes she would catch me in the act, and not be angry because thats the type of person she was, she was so thoughtful, caring loving and so so innocent.
My dream is to become a successful Pastry Chef and open my own business in memory of my nan, i will name it after her and hopefully make her a very proud nan one day....
I joined this chat in 2013, where i was suffering from grievance and slight depression, i was never diagnosed... in fact not even my parents knew, i kept it a secret and thankfully overcome it on my own, but when i was down and needed a little support this is where i turned, and the many kind souls on this website have helped me through a dark patch where i missed my nan more than ever and i will always be thankful for that.
So thank you Cancer Research Forum for you have helped me in ways i never thought you would.
I am writing this piece as i am signing off for good. Over my time on this site i have seen many sad heart wrenching stories and i hope and pray to God that each and everyone one of you survive your battle with cancer... and for any of you who are helping a loved one with cancer, remember stay strong and keep hoping as it gets you through it, sometimes life gives you hurdles, just remember you can over come them !!
Nan, i love and miss you everyday and i hope that one day i can make you proud if i haven't all ready.
Good night nanny choof choof.... :') xo
