Hi KP97,

A very warm welcome to our forum.

I am so sorry to hear of your news. I have had 2 bouts of breast cancer and a third time when my consultant thought that I had cancer, but which fortunately, turned out not to be after all my tests were completed. Doctors only tell patients this when they are pretty sure that this is so. The tests are done to confirm that cancer is present and that the lump is not benign.

Sadly, they are right in the majority of cases.  Some of us find this helpful, because there is a lot of anxiety and fear when we are waiting for results. In some ways, knowing in advance that cancer is likely, gives us more time to prepare for a poor diagnosis.

Unfortunately, a cancer diagnosis affects the entire family. Does your dad still live nearby? All you can do is to give him as much love and support as you can. A lot will depend upon what type of cancer he has and what grade it is. 

Please keep in touch and let us know how he gets on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine,

Thank you for your reply, I'm so sorry to hear you've had such a hard time of it.

My parents have echoed what you've said about the warning helping to prepare for a definite diagnosis, so I am glad they are taking comfort in this. I think a small part of me is just hoping the doctors are wrong instead of facing reality.

He is only a half hour drive, thank you for asking, and I expect I'll end up staying with him to look after him during his treatment as he is 76 so I hope to spend lots of quality time with him.

All best wishes to you, and thank you for your response 

Hi KP97,

We all hope that the doctors will be wrong in their diagnosis. Sadly, this seldom happens. You will find this easier to cope with if you can accept that it is most likely to be. If not, it will be one tremendous relief and a fantastic bonus.

I am glad to hear that your dad doesn't live too far away. It sounds as if you still have a good relationship with him and, I am sure that he would really appreciate having you around to look after him during his treatment. Spend as much time with him as you can and try to make memories instead of worrying about the future.

Do you know what test he is waiting on, or how long he is likely to have to wait for it? I hope that it's not too long. Don't forget that we are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

You're right, yesterday I spent a lot of time speaking with my mum about it and I think I am accepting it a bit more now. He's coming to our house today for a Sunday spent relaxing, eating good food and watching Christmas films. It will be the first time I've seen him since his diagnosis

I'm not exactly sure, I think it's some kind of scan to see if it has spread to any other parts of his body but not really 100% sure what's going on. They've said it should be this week

It's very comforting to know this forum is here, you've already helped so much. Thank you

As mentioned further up, doctors tend to be straight with people nowadays. My wife was told she had BC before the biopsies arrived, Also mentioned above, they do tend to know from experiences.  But they can be wrong and there are stories the internet over backing this up.  However, it is rare and people shouldn't go expecting to hear they were wrong.

We found this approach helped us massively. So when we were sat in the room being told the biopsies confirmed their suspicions, we weren't in pieces and weren't shocked. I get why some people dislike this method, but it helps many others.  It also helps you take onboard more information as your mind isn't being flooded with "OMFG, i have just been told I have cancer" thoughts.

I do strongly suggest your dad takes someone with him to his next appointment because he will still miss a lot of information and forget to ask a number of questions. Taking a note book also helps if that's an option. Write any questions you may have down in the notebook. Then write the answers underneath them. His head will still be spinning even though he kinda knows.

Hi KP97,

It's good that you can all talk about this together and in this way you cansupport one another.. I agree with ProfBraw's advice. It's all too easy to forget what's been said in consultation before we leave the hospital gates.

Please keep in touch and remember that we are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx