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Mother's mole excision- feel sick with worry

arlcaj
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Hello there everyone,

I have googled a lot but I find the most helpful information is via thsi forum with people who have been through similar worry and I am hoping that I could have some honest thoughts and help as I feel so ill with worry.

My mother is 59 years old, slim, healthy, sun worshipper (has never worn suncream), and skin type 3 apparently we have been told. She tans very easily and has lots and lots of moles whuch up until now have never caused concern.

Mum has a mole on the middle of her back anbout half way up, its been there for years as I remember us telling her to cover it up as always looked a little bigger. Last year it bled a little and we saw the GP who said it was just inflamed and gave her cream to use and said he wasn't worried.

Two weeks ago I put some back cream on my mum as she had lower backache and I noticed the mole just looked odd- it is flat, and looks like half of it is brown and the rest looks almost like it has come off. It stands out from every other mole though and when I touch it she said it feels a little sore. I went to GP with my mum for something else 2 weeks ago and mentioned it to the GP on the way out- well the GP looked with some equipment and said as I thought it had changed and it had irregular borders mum would have a 2 week urgent referral.

Mum seesm to be coping fine as she has had a lot of other scares before- I guess its because she herself can't keep looking at it. But yesterday we went to her dermatology appointment. The derm looked at her whole body and said that all others were fine but as this one was different than all the others he was highly suspicious of either basal cell carcinoma or melanoma and would need an excision within 4 weeks. Mum went to pieces bless her once cancer was mentioned. I did ask him if it could be benign, he said possibly  benign or dysplastic but this one is suspicious.Now it is a waiting game for the excision and I am being strong in front of mum but behind the scenes I am in pieces.

 Mum is very well in herself generally, no weight loss, fatigue, headaches etc, but currently has a cough virus and backache (which I put down to muscular as she is always very active) but she has started thinking that if its melanoma it could have spread and is thinking some very scary things ie terminal prognosis, chemo etc. I know she will be googling as am I. I know with some melanomas once its excised there are no further issues, but I am worried that as its been there many years how long it could have been growing. I try to remind her ands myself that if I hadn't noticed this mole then we wouldn't have known anything so that must mean its not spread but I know thats not always the case. Its all happening so so fast. Not only is there the worry of if the mole diagnosis comes back as malignant, but its how mum will take it. She's my world and she falls to pieces at the mention of anything sinister.

Has anyone got any posistive similar experiences to share or any advice please? If a Dermatologist suspects melanoma are theya lways right or can dyplastic moles look very similar? With Christmas coming up we have lots of distractions which I hope can help her, but I just feel almost guilty for carrying on as normal with this worry.

 

Thank you x

 

 

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    Hi there,

    I am sorry to hear that you are having such a worrying time, the waiting can feel unbearable at times but I hope that you will find that once you know what your mum's situation you will feel better than you do at the moment - in my experience it helps you to at least feel a sense of control within your situation.  Over the last couple of months, I have had facial surgery for BCCs and my husband was diagnosed with Melanoma.  In the same way you describe, we started to try to remember when we first noticed skin changes etc to 'weigh up' how likely it might be to be really serious.  I do remember reading on here that the vast majority of lesions removed turn out to be non-cancerous or can be dealt with through just having them removed - in my husband's case his turned out to be Melanoma but it was 'in situ' meaning that it hadn't had a chance to grow deeper and was fully removed with just a wide local excision as a precautionary / standard follow up process.  My treatment will carry on a bit longer as a further BCC has been identified - but, as I said at the beginning, the waiting, wondering and worst case scenario thinking is often the hardest bit.  I wish your mum well for her appointment and I hope that you find a way to try to manage the waiting.  It is very hard being the one trying to continue to be strong to support someone else  - do let us know how she (and you) get on.  

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    I understand you feeling sick with worry but I just wanted to offer some friendly advice as your situation is reminiscent of mine and my mother's. I mean this in the nicest possible way but it almost seems like you are in the parental role? Applying cream, offering reassurance, googling, feeling sick with worry etc. This is not your battle to fight. I thought it was mine and I made myself incredibly ill. Please try to remind yourself that your mum is an adult responsible for her own health and emotions. That you can be supportive but ultimately no amount of trying to find answers will change the outcome in order to support your mum, you need to focus on yourself first x

     

  • Offline in reply to JR21

    Thank you for taking the time to reply it means a lot and reassured me. You are right once we know what we are dealing with it will be easier to deal with and to understand. I keep getting the most horrendous fears and thoughts in my mind that are hard to snap out of.  I am glad your husband's melanoma was cured and sorry to hear about your BCC and wish you all the best with your treatment xx

  • Offline in reply to Anon.J

    Thank you, I know your advice comes from a good place and you certainly aren't the first to tell me that about myself. My mum is my absolute world and I tend to take on all her worries as my own no matter how ill it makes me (I have health issues myself) but I know I always will xx

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