Hi Tilly

This can be a tough one to approach. The doctor absolutely will not tell you anything as they are not allowed to, and rightly so. I wouldn’t want anyone phoning my doctor to find out information about me. Just because none of you have seen any correspondence doesn’t mean there hasn’t been any, and he’s not obliged to show you any letters. Has he given you any details? What cancer does he say he has? What is the plan for treatment? When does he have his appointments? 

Maybe he is a very private person and doesn’t want to give any details, and that is his choice, unless he chooses to share any information with you, I cannot see any way you would be able to find out. I know some people do lie about having cancer, but I think you need to be quite sensitive here because it may not be the case that he’s lying. With cancer you can’t assume anything either-not all chemo causes hair loss for example, and not everyone looks sick. I think I would be asking him how you can help support him, and try asking him some questions. If he does have cancer he will likely need family support, and if he thinks that no-one believes him and he’s telling the truth I’m sure he would feel awful. I hope he’s not lying, and I hope you can manage to get him to talk to you about everything in more detail. 

Hi [@Tilly2526]‍ ,

What a horrible predictament to be in, when you have Cancer, the thought of someone lying about having it is hard to imagine, but we all know it happens, people lie about all sorts of things to get attention, support or whatever reason it is.

We don't know your family, so it is difficult to know, how old he is, the reason he might lie about it, or anything else that might be going on.

I don't look like I have Cancer, I didn't lose lots of weight, or my hair and anyone meeting me for the first time would never know I was ill. I haven't told certain family members myself. I told my daughter and my Dad, they are all under strict instruction for it not to be made public to any other family member, I also told my best friend. So I can understand that it can seem strange to some that I don't want to discuss it, or have certain family members to come back into my life just because of my diagnoses.

Does he live in the same house as you all? is this why you have said about no-one seeing letters?

The only way you are going to find out is if he is willing to talk to you, open up and allow someone to go to an appointment with him.

My friend and daughter knew I was going to the hospital, my friend came with me on the first appointment when the biopsy was taken, but when I got the phonecall to come back in, I went off on my own to the appointment and when I got home I phoned my friend and daughter to tell them I had been in for the appointment and had been diagnosed with Cancer, they had to take my word for it... OK so I did come home with a blue plastic folder with paperwork about surgery and other leaflets, but they didn't see that. So it is possible to have information and not show anyone, I think as Minska has said, it is going to be a tricky one to navigate, and the best thing I think would be, is be supportive and open with them and then if it does turn out he has Cancer he has had the support he needs, and if it turns out he doesn't everyone will look at him in a very different light. 

I hope you manage to get the answers you want and that he gets the help he needs for whatever it turns out to be.....

I don't know your stepson obviously and I am assuming there are reasons why his family are suspicious of his story that go beyond him not telling much about it.

I will say that cancers greatly differ and not all involve the level of medical treatment and so on we would assume. I had thyroid cancer and while, yes, I did get letters about doctors' appointments and so on, I'm not sure I got many at the start. Yeah, there were some but they were mostly just "you have an appointment for such a date". My treatment literally consisted of an operation and then some months later, radio-iodine treatment. I didn't get a folder of information or anything like that. Just a "yeah, we found malignancies. We'll arrange surgery." And then I didn't hear any more for weeks. I rang them myself to ask if there was any information about when the surgery would be.

Like Kay-D, I did not lose weight or hair and I didn't have chemotherapy or any ongoing treatment.

I think it will be hard to find out as people's medical details are, naturally, private.

Thanks Kay-D yes we are all living in the same house and yes that's why I said about his dad and brothers not believing him an would want to see proof.  It's a terrible predicament to be in and all I can do is try and talk to him and let him know that I am here when ever he needs me. Thanking you kindly x 

Thank you MargertMary. You assume correctly there's his drinking problem,  and he is constantly stuck in his bedroom doesn't socialise much with anyone. It's just a very hard subject to chat about at any given time hope I can just make it clear that I am on his side and will be here if ever he feels the need to talk about anything.  Thank you again your words are greatly appreciated thank you