Ever since my brother came close to dying of Leukemia,cancer has been a severe fear of mine.I also suffer with anxiety,and worries related to my health have gotten worse this past year,since the pandemic began.

Every day,I spend an hour poking and prodding my body,paticularly my breasts,for signs of cancer.Any time my glands swell up or I get a random ache/pain,I have a meltdown.I can no longer tell the difference between a genuine concern or hypochondria.

Ive stared at my chest for 2 hours this evening and both of my breasts look fine.They're both even,no rashes,pitting or strange marks.They're lumpy,but I can't really tell if its normal or if its something concerning.I tend to get random pains in them now and again,but I do have quite big boobs so maybe it's that? My nipples look normal and arent sunken in or anything.I currently have sore swollen glands in my armpits.The last time I had this issue was a year ago.However,I currently have quite a nasty sore throat, runny nose and cough,so maybe that's down to being ill?

Im so sick of fighting this demon in my head telling me im going to die.While my brain can rationalise my "symptoms",I can't help but panic.Im wondering if I should book in with a doctor and get things checked out just to ease my mind but would I just be feeding into that anxiety? Ive been sat on my sofa sobbing for the last half hour and im so tired