Thanks so much Margaret really appreciate you answering .....trying hard to be strong....had symptoms about 4 weeks now ...

Hi my name is Kod I had this problem mine was Amal fissure with small hammoroid I suffer with health anxiety so always fear the worse so do not worry all will b ok

Hello my name is Kod I had this problem I suffer with health anxiety so always think the worse mine was anal fissure hope all goes well 

Thanks for your reply Kod.....anyone have tips on how to stop googling?

It is very hard to do this but I try not to on goood days 

Depression comes in many forms from mild to severe.  I had two brothers and two sisters die in  a space of two months. in 2015.  I should have died during that time. I had an oesophagus rupture. during my time in hospital I was getting all the bad news of my brothers and sisters passing.  I became that depressed all I wanted was to die. asking why them and not me..  Lucky for me a pesron who did volentary work to help spot people suffering saw the signs in me.  I was classed as having manic depression. morning noon and night all I could think about was dying. how to do it. but this support worker got me through those dark times, when I had all but given up on life.  I was diagnosed with liver cancer in early January 2020.  But I just shrugged and laughed it off as it's my way of dealing with the stresses. I kept it to myself as I was my wife's full time carer.  I couldn't be ill,  So things continued as normal. Then devistating news, the wife was rushed into hospital and they found an aggressive cancer in her bowel. given 2 months,  which turned out to be 6 weeks and passed away in July 2020. I was recieving bereavement counselling. but stopped after 3 months. it was all to upsetting talking about my wife. I'm all alone having to deal with the news that if I don't get onto a transplant list for a liver donor. my only option left is liver failure. should this be the case for me,  I know it is a very short window before I die. The thing is, I know I should be feeling depressed. but I just don't care as long as I'm in the same place with my wife.

Sorry to hear that I have signed my self for counselling