Okay so I know this is a lot but I'm really panicking just now and I think I'm buggered.
I am a 22 year old male. I smoke heavily, don't drink very often at all, am quite overweight, and currently live in a room with mould on the wall behind my bed despite trying repeatedly to get rid of it - there's no space to move it anywhere else either. I have severe anxiety and depression and I think some form of undiagnosed avoidant personality disorder.
Since 2018 I've had a progressively worsening situation going on in my mouth/throat and I've stupidly kept it to myself in the hope that it would magically go away on it's own, but it hasn't, and it's only gotten worse.
At this point, both my tonsils are asymmetrically swollen, on one side of each tonsil there is a weird rigid thin flap of flesh protruding out of somewhere, I can't tell where cos I can't feel that far with my tongue but they seem to have gotten larger since I first noticed them in like late 2019. There are also various small lumps and bumps attached to the base of the one on the left and behind my left tonsil too. Behind my uvula, I think at my adenoids(?) Is an oblong oval crater that I can fit the tip of my tongue into and which appears to have expanded although I'm not sure and I don't know how deep it goes or if it's getting deeper. At the bottom end of it it feels quite hard or like keratinous almost, can only feel a little bit of it though. I can't see this if I examine my own mouth in the mirror because it's too high up behind my uvula, same with the flaps, they're obscured by my tongue. The past few months I've been smelling and tasting blood despite there not being any visible in my mouth or nose, and the past week or two I've been getting an occasional pain that feels like its behind my eye but is probably deep in the back of my mouth if that makes sense. Ive also felt more discomfort in my throat, but this could be psychological. My left ear also feels quite blocked and the left side of my neck is much more rigid than the right. There are other things too but it's hard to keep track of it all, but I also recently noticed that the roof and sides of my mouth are quite an unhealthy looking mixture of either reddish or whiteish. I've also been very fatigued and have been sleeping an awful lot recently, and struggling to find energy to do just about anything. I also have less of an appetite than usual.
This has all been pretty much painless up until very recently and this recurring pain, though mild, is what has sent me over the edge from constantly being aware of it but being in denial to full blown panic mode and assuming that I haven't got long left to live.
I haven't told friends or family or even my girlfriend about all this despite me having had it since before I met her and I feel like I've betrayed everyone including myself. I feel incredibly isolated and anxious and have no idea where to go from here. I know I need to see a doctor but I need some support to do so and I haven't got it because I have no idea how to approach this subject with my loved ones after stupidly leaving it for so long. Please, can anyone give me some words of wisdom? I'm also quite concerned that even if it's still treatable I won't be seen in time due to COVID. I'm terribly sorry for this morbid rant but I have no idea where else to go.
