Hi everyone :)

so last year I went to the gp about a small bump I'd felt for a few years under my chin ( I had mentioned it to the gp a few years before and she had a quick feel and wasn't concerned ) I'm not sure if it got bigger last year or I just started focusing on it - anyway I went to gp who referred me for ultra sound - my health anxiety spiked and I booked a private scan while waiting for nhs- it was a horrible experience as he sighed the whole time and had no bed side manner despite me telling him I was very nervous - the funny thing was he wasn't  concerned by the one I was but he was two nodes beside each other on the left deep cervical chain measuring 5mm by 10mm he wrote on report possibly reactive but consider fna.

anyway then my nhs on came up and they did ultra quick scan and weren't concerned - I rang gp and explained my concerns that they did go over right area as they only focused on chin which the initial referral was based on- I was sent back and had another quick scan ( again not sure right area) and again no concerns - gp said the side of nodes the private guy had commented on didn't meet their criteria for fna/ that was last September (2020)

now since Sunday I noticed another small lump under jAw and booked a gp appointment - that was yesterday . She felt it and said it wasn't concerning and then did an overall neck check and noticed the same two left nodes that had been commented on the scan and seemed concerned ( in my possible paranoid head) 

she said they would get repeat bloods- ( June 2020 they were last done ) I asked what they would tell her and she said whether that might be indication of lymphoma - I asked her was she concerned and she said no as the nodes she felt were only .5mm and soft, moveable but it was best to check - I'm not sure if they're concerned as they're beside each other ( hope not stuck together ) I'm getting bloods on Wednesday then see her on 27th for result and she'll decide ultra sound .

I have Health anxiety and think the worst - I'm like is it lymphoma , tongue /throat cancer/lung cancer or coming from somewhere else. And thinking the worst outcome / spending hours online as for some reason it makes Me feel more in control. I feel calmer than last year when I almost had a break down but still getting the darkest thoughts .

im also frustrated as I was never asked to keep checking them or to come back for a review yet now almost a year later I happen to go to gp and have the exact same thing as last year and now it's an issue ? When if it was something they wanted to monitor they should have said that?

extra info is that I don't get nightsweat ( only v rarely and in a very hot room ) no cough , no weight loss ( I lost weight over the past two years without overly trying but def put on weight these past few months )

I clench my jaw a lot and sometimes bite my tongue in my sleep which makes it sore. I also get inflamed gums around wisdom tooth occasionally -last dental check 1 month ago she said my wisdom tooth is up but not fully out and to brush it like a tooth ( gross I know )

anyway I've really blethered and I prob sound totally crazy but I swear I'm normal ;)

im 38 , Mum of 3

thanks for reading