Awaiting biopsy results and beating myself up

Hello, I'm new here. I had a 3mm in diameter flat looking but weird mole removed last week. While I was there I couldn't remember if it was new or changed (it was on my back) I had a bad feeling about it last year but people often have told me I worry unnecessarily so I put it down to that (never listening to anyone who says that ever again) and didn't want to bother doctors during covid. I burn, but not easily and all my family members are darker skinned than me and don't burn, but they've typically worked outside. No family history of melanoma but I have used sun beds in the past but no more than 15 times total 

A few days after the biopsy I remembered and found photos of the mole from 2018!!! It looked very different and I remember it looking like a weird but faint "letter H" and thought I better keep an eye and get this checked soon, obviously forgot about it and then it had turned into what seemed like an overly dark mole which I again thought I should keep an eye on but didn't associate with the H looking one. I think it's been different like this for a good few years and I'm so upset with myself for not going sooner. 
But it's easy to forget when it's on your back and you can't see it...

As it has changed so significantly (not in size overall) but in colour and spreaded out to fill in the letter H shape, I am really fearing the worst as I've left it so long  

waiting for the results is scary..and I feel so stupid for having a risky sun history and not keeping an eye on this for fear of appeareing like a hypochondriac. The doctor wasn't sure initially and said we may have to watch it but asked the consultant who said it had features of skin cancer and they removed it. Now six to eight weeks for the results but all I am thinking is as I've left it for so long what if it has already spread. Also keep remembering other things like the tiny black dot that came up on my thigh and disappeared, what if that was cancer, what  if the weird thing on my toe is etc etc. I'm trying to think positively but Im actually really afraid. 
 

Does anyone have any advice on how to manage this? I have so much going on at the minute and I'm normally good at processing and managing things but not this one. 

  • Hello [@Pyjamaparty]‍ 

    I just wanted to say hi as I am in a similar position to you so know how you feel.

    I had a very suspicious flat mole (that I've always had on my leg) removed nearly 3 weeks ago. I had it checked out by the GP 3 years ago who said it was fine and sent me on my way. I've kept an eye on it ever since and just recently realised it had very definitely changed and had basically all the signs of melanoma other than being >6mm (mine was just under). I am not sure when exactly it changed though as I didn't take pictures and I've had a stressful past few months so maybe I've just not noticed for a while. I too am beating myself up for not getting a second opinion long ago or monitoring it more closely with pictures :(

    I have my results appointment in 3 weeks and it is so hard waiting. I am pretty sure it will be melanoma from what the dermatologist said, it has all the signs and I have a family history.. I was convinced my time was up that first weekend after she told me I needed to get it removed!

    But often I think we focus on all the worst possible scenarios and forget about the better outcomes. I am trying to focus on those possibilities, and remember that there is a good chance it has been caught early enough that it is treatable through surgery alone. Maybe my mole was fine 3 years when the GP looked at it and has only recently become cancerous? I believe most cases are caught in the early stages so chances are that even if yours comes back as cancerous (which it may not!), it will be early stage which is very treatable. Maybe try to focus on that and the fact that whatever it is, it is now removed. Also do not make my mistake and incessantly Google.. it will only cause more anxiety as I think it tends to focus on the worse cases and less on the many, many more positive ones. 

    Best of luck with your results. Happy to chat more if you'd like.

     

  • Hi Pyjamaparty & blobby89,

    I'm sorry to hear you are both awaiting results from mole excisions and that you are worrying that you left it too long. Please take my advice - DON'T beat yourselves up about it. Everyone does it and now focusing on any delay will not change things. You have to take whatever the diagnosis is and deal with it from now. There is still a chance it could come back benign (as happened with 5 of my 6 mole excisions) I did the very same 25 years ago - I left the dodgy mole on my shin for a year before I got it checked out. It was early stage melanoma (only grew to 0.7mm depth in that year) and although I later progressed to Stage 3 (my bad luck as it only happens to 5% of Stage 1 patients) I am still here 12 years later, fit & healthy. 

    As blobby says, focus on the fact that it's now been removed and is no longer causing a problem. There is still every chance it can be benign or early stage & that you will have no further recurrence. Even for later stage, melanoma treatments now are showing great promise - it's not like 10 years ago when there was nothing they could do! 

    With regard to any other moles (past or present) that worry you Pyjamaparty, just point them out to the consultant and they will check everything. The tiny one that disappeared - don't worry - moles can do that at any time, it doesn't mean they are dodgy. 

    Keep busy to distract yourselves from worry & from Googling (old information). Hopefully the wait for results won't be quite as long as they've indicated. Good luck to both of you and please let us know how you get on,

    Angie

  • Thank you so much for taking the time to respond[@AngieT]‍. I know you post here regularly and your words are always so encouraging!

    I have been given an appointment to get my results in mid June. I will definitely come back and post how I got on either way. Managing to stay positive for now!

  • Pyjamaparty - if the mole was both flat and only 3mm in diameter then it would seem exceptionally unlikely that it could be anything other than a very early stage melanoma, at worst. Melanomas tend to grow sideways (radial growth phase) before they start to grow downwards.  That's why most melanomas that spread anywhere are already more than 0.5 mm at diagnosis. An exception is nodular melanoma, which is the most dangerous type, but its hallmark is that it rises above the skin (rising above the skin indicates downward growth). So if it's flat and only 3mm in diameter? If it's anything bad at all, then I'd be very surprised if it hadn't been caught early.