Hi,

I'm in my early fifties and late last year my Mum in her mid 80s was diagnosed with a Rectal Tumor that because of her age and early stages of memory loss and confusion, limited the treatment options available.  She has now had a Stoma and is awaiting Radiotherapy.

Last week I took my Mum to her first face to face consultation with our GP post Covid and diagnosis and out of curiosity, I asked if I was now at more risk and should I think about screening at age 60. I was not expecting her to basically say yes and she suggested I do a FIT test now which I did.

As you can imagine, my Mum's diagnosis has been and still is very stressful for my Mum, my late 80s Father and me and we are all suffering anxiety and stress so the last thing I expected was for my Dr to call me and tell me that my test was 'Abnormal' and in the blur of words that followed I heard 'borderline high' and I think a score of 20.   Long story short, several days later I'm now booked in for a Colonoscopy next weekend which is amazing but terrifying.

I have never spotted any blood in my poo and its only after excessive dry wiping that I have ever spotted a pin *** of blood on the toilet paper from skin external to my anus.  I'm not aware of any changes to my bowel habits but with the stress we are under, what is normal?  Unfortunately 'Dr Google' has not helped as for many years my stools have always been soft (I'm not a log layer!) and about an inch in dia or smaller but I'm now terrified that these are all worrying signs.  Additionally I frequently find myself sleeping badly, tossing and turning and often wake up with damp bedclothes due to sweating.   Again Dr Google is not helpful!

My Dr arranged a blood test this week and she said it was reassuring and a good sign that my Haemoglobin levels have increased since my previous one in October 20 as apparently cancer and bleeding would usually cause it to drop.

I know its probably not rational but having accompanied my Mum to hers in October and having had the bad news conversation at the end of it, I am convincing myself that I will have a similar outcome which is terrifying as my parents need me to look after them and a positive diagnosis for me will severly affect their health and wellbeing.  Surely the odds of a mother and son both getting bowel cancer in a few months must be akin to the Euro Lottery rollover..??!!

I am trying to be positive but this is really negatively affecting my mental wellbeing and I think I'm on the edge of something with the worry and feeling that I'm about to receive life changing / ending news next week.  The more I think and read the more I seem to have symptoms such as aching stomach muscles and narrower looser stools as I cant really remember what was normal this time last year.  I'm also facing possible redundancy too!

Am I being irrational, has anyone else come through anything like this with a happy ending?   After my Mum's diagnosis and my GP's well meaning intention that a FIT test would reassure me and I'd have nothing to worry about, I don't find the stats online reasssuring?!

Thanks in advance.