I'll start with the vitals. I'm a 40 yr old man, wife and 2 wee girls (6 and just turned 2) always been pretty naturally fit - football, golf, tennis, decent(ish) 10k times, half marathon and the like. Never smoked/did any drugs at all. Occasional drink. Always been slim, but wiry. Have tended to be able to eat whatever I want, with a bit of a sweet tooth - Lindt D'or at Christmas and biscuits being a weak point. But it's never affected my weight, ever. I've always tended to be between about 10st 4lb and about 10 st 10lb (I'm 5'9"). However, recently I've noticed that I've been losing weight. Indeed in the last couple of months I reckon I've lost about 4-6 lbs. And my 'true weight' in the morning is about 10, maybe just under now. On its own I wouldn't be overly concerned, however...
About a month ago I noticed a lump on my right hip. The very next day I tested positive for Covid but had pretty much zero symptoms (it was a lateral flow test), bar towards the end of the isolation period I lost my sense of smell (but not taste, weirdly). In the isolation period I managed to get seen by a GP who looked at the lump on my hip and suggested it was a Lipoma - albeit a pretty big one. He poked and prodded me pretty thoroughly and said he didn't think he was concerned but it would warrant investigation anyway and referred me for an ultrasound which returned the same thoughts but they've asked the Orthopaedics to take a look with an MRI to discuss options for removing (they think it's about 10cm x 6cm!). Looking back at old holiday snaps, I see by the pool I have had this for at least 9 years and just never noticed!
Anyway, pretty soon after the GP who assessed and then referred me, or maybe even just before, I started to get abominal pains. In a variety of places. Predominantly on my right side just under my ribs, (front-ish) and back, kinda. Down towards the top of my hip where the (suspected) lipoma is. But occasionally quite central too. A couple of times I woke up during the night with what I can only describe as a trapped wind style pain, but felt across the lower back and not the front. It was really pretty sore, and couldn't get any relief from it at all. That seems to have stopped, for now anyway.
Added to this, gross bit coming up, sorry... thinking back, for about - well I can't remember really - I've had stools that float. I think it's been that way for years, but I honestly can't remember. It was NEVER something that occurred to me to notice or not. I've always been pretty keen to make sure that I check for blood etc and have had 2 colonoscopies (one at 26, one at 33 soon after my parents passed (when I was 25, and 33) of cancer (Stomach, and mouth - not related to bowel I know but an aunt died at 48 of bowel cancer so our family has always been one to check things like that). Anyway, the stools look mostly normal. I'm pretty 'regular' - usually twice in the morning, and that's me. But they float.
Soon after this all started, I turned to Dr Google. As I say, it's all come on so suddenly and I never get pains like this (occasional stomach cramps, which I've attributed to IBS - never been diagnosed but things mirror it pretty closely). Initially the nature of the pain I could only describe as feeling like someone was squeezing my right side inners with a gripping hand. Because of the area, and lack of blood in stool, I'm self-diagnosing as liver and kidney and then noticed the slight twinge I have at my right shoulder. You can imagine how my thought process went. The pain could be there for a few hours, or it could be there for about an hour or so. NHS site suggested this could be gallstones. I then go to the GP as the pain (whilst intermittent) is persisting. The GP has a good feel again, and doesn't think it's a liver issue, or kidney really (I have no jaundice, nor is my urine dark/orange - maybe a bit more yellow early morning sometimes... weird what you begin to notice innit?!) and that if it was gallstones it would come on almost immediately after eating and to be honest I'm unable to say if it did or not. But anyway, he thought it could be muscular. However for 'peace of mind' (no laughing at the back) recommended blood tests anyway, which came back normal aside from a very slightly low white blood cell count (I think that's what the doc said, but my heart was kinda thumping with nerves so not sure I heard properly). If pains persisted for another couple of weeks then return and see where we go from there (about 2-3 weeks ago now).
By this point, my google searches have moved on a bit from liver. Towards the pancreas, not intentionally I would add. But you click a link, then another... I'm a pretty level headed person - and I am aware of the possibility of confirmation bias - but the more I saw the common symptoms of pancreatic cancer, the more the signs lit up like some sadistic road map. And the more I'm now beyond convinced that's where this is going to end up. And it makes me look back and go "I had a slight twinge I noticed in my back about 3 years ago" (never having had back trouble, ever - indeed pretty strong there for my size). At the time I was doing a lot of driving for work, must be that. And in the last couple of days, I've also noticed that I get a feeling of 'gas' coming up my windpipe after eating - which again I might have had for a long time or might not. I've just never noticed, but I don't think so. "And I think that feels like a burning pain, centre abdomen. Is that gastritis?! Has covid silently brought all this on despite not feeling ill?!"
After the initial blood tests came back as 'normal', the GP asked if I wanted to test for anything else. She said she would be astonished if it was PC as she's never seen it in anyone even close to my age, and my medical history, but equally she didn't dismiss it and call me crazy which helped, somehow. She was amazing. My reading suggested bloods for amylase and diabetes - "I've been eating a lot recently, could I have developed type 1?! I've noticed my hands are cold often, have been for a while. Is that what's happened?! Or have I had PC for a long time and it's brought it on, all the while chipping away at my weight to the point that I'm noticing it?!" (Inner monologue doesn't stop on this rollercoaster). I've since had that blood taken again to test for pancreatic issues, and diabetes. They were taken on Wednesday (Saturday morning now) and the docs say they call if anything abnormal. - usually within a day or two. Part of me wanted to call them yesterday and ask if they had come back but figured if they said not yet I would only be worrying all weekend, but now of course I'm worrying anyway so why did I not just call them - anyone know if blood results are emailed to docs, so therefore the 1-2 day window is feasible?!
And so, on googling a lot of this, I found this chat - and indeed found someone had posted in a Pancreatic Cancer forum on here with what seemed very similar symptoms. He managed to at least wait a few months before posting though, and was doing so on and off for a couple of years with endless tests which all came back as fine. So the other day I registered, and went to reply. Then stopped myself and asked CRUK to delete the account - somehow if I posted I would be admitting it was all very real, and despite that being what I believe it to be, I couldn't bring myself to type it just yet.
Until last night. When I (again) woke about 4.30 - could be because of discomfort which is persisting or because of my mind, or both. And I'm now sat on my couch typing away having re-registered with a different username and email address, welling up at my 2 year old drawing on the table (that'll be fun to clean....) because I don't want her to not be able to remember me. That's before I even begin to think about my (almost 7 year old) other daughter and my wife.
As I say, I don't even know why I am posting. And I may delete this later in a fit of pique. But somehow typing all of this out and just putting it somewhere is proving cathartic. But by process of elimination, I'm concluding (me and my non-existent medical background) that there is nothing else it can be. So my poor wife has had me crying on her shoulder a few times - weirdly not for myself, but for leaving them early. I wouldn't care but we've just had the house extended and spent a wad of cash! :confused:
I'm aware a lot of this post has turned negative, and I apologise if this has an impact on anyone reading. I'm not expecting any replies, or for anyone to say it's all going to be fine. I'm not really expecting anything. I just felt like if I typed out all of the above, it might stop me googling for an hour or so. Which it has done... except for checking how to spell amylase...
