Hi all,

I’ve had a ridiculously distended abdomen for over two months now - I look like a pregnant woman about to drop. Throughout this time, I have read these forums a great deal and I noticed that, whilst people often post their worries about having cancer based on digestive issues, they don’t always report back with the outcome. I feel this feeds the confirmation bias that we all fall victim to when looking up our symptoms online, so I wanted to do my bit to stem the tide.

First off, symptoms. My abdominal distension was very noticeable and, whilst it fluctuated slightly, it was constantly there - and still is! After about ten days or so I was also quite badly constipated. However, this passed in a two or three days. To try and get the distension to go away, I went on a 30 hour fast, I tried cutting dairy for 12 days, cutting wheat - nothing has worked. Most worryingly, I noticed that when I was in certain positions, there was clearly more swelling in the upper right quadrant. I also found blood in my poo. I then started doing ribbon-shaped poos too. I’m definitely a worrier, but this time there were legitimate reasons for concern.

I first visited the doctor at the two-week mark. She checked my bum and pushed my tummy before telling me I was ‘backed up’. I explained to her that I was pooing normally and needed to take what felt like a big dump at the time and that’s what she could feel. But they always know best…

Sure enough, I went straight home and sent the ‘back up’ to Davy Jones’ locker.

I followed her instruction anyway and took over 60 doses of Laxido over the next couple of weeks. Nothing changed except I ended up with a sore bum hole from constantly posing.

I went back to the doctors and they agreed to give me blood tests and an x-ray. Bloods were fine. The X-ray showed some ‘impaction’ so the GP once again insisted I was constipated. I had to explain to them that not only was I pooing regularly, but surely, even if I was constipated, after 60 doses of Laxido something must be causing this impaction that might be a reason for concern.

I eventually complained to the surgery. I told them in no uncertain terms that if they have any device that a: can diagnose bowel issues and b: fits up my bum, then I wanted it inside of me, post-haste. To be fair to them, they referred me to a colorectal surgeon. But after two weeks, I’d heard nothing. Turns out it wasn’t considered urgent because the surgery had said my issue was constipation - despite me telling them I was pooing like clockwork!

At this point, I chipped the NHS off and went private. Had a colonoscopy today and everything is fine. Of course, I am still bloated and still a little worried, but I had convinced myself I had bowel cancer and I don’t.

I like to think I am a fairly intelligent guy and I know the difference between a reliable information source and some copywriting BS. Many of the common causes for my issue had been eliminated (liver, infection, stomach acid etc) so I had good cause for concern. I also spent a great deal of time researching symptoms. As far as I was concerned, it could only be bowel cancer.

The reason I posted this is that this morning I was preparing for bad news. My GF and I have even argued over my funeral arrangements! When you have bowel issues it’s a scary time, but even when the signs seem to be pointing to the big C, it isn’t necessarily the case.

So to sum up,  things I have learned:

1: Worrying doesn’t help and you can (like me) end up feeling a bit silly for all the fuss you have caused yourself, and others.

2: GPs do try and fob you off so, in my opinion, it is important to challenge them. If they dismiss something, ask them exactly why they don’t think it is an issue.

3: Colonoscopies and endoscopies are nothing to fear.

4: No amount of research, no matter how responsible, will allow you to diagnose your condition. Push for a colonoscopy.

5: Not related to health issues, but after my rectal exam I have learned to appreciate why women are so keen on foreplay.

*I still haven’t even had a call to book my referral appointment through the NHS