So scared :-(

Hi everyone. 

 

I've posted a few times here about the long and horrendous wait for tests results for my Dad. Im struggling so much.

He had cancer twice before. Esophageal cancer 10 years ago and cancer of the voice box 5 years ago. He wasnt expected to survive the first cancer and was so close to death. It was nothing short of a miracle when the combination chemo/radiotherapy worked and the tumor disappeared! Even the doctors were amazed. The emotions then from expecting to lose my Dad to having him slowly come back to health was unbelievable.

When he was diagnosed with voice box cancer it was obviously frightening but they told him straight away it was small and isolated and they were 99% sure they could treat to cure which thankfully they did.

Roll on 5 years and here we are again. He began losing his voice in the summer last year. With this being a symptom of the voice box cancer we automatically assumed it had come back. However, his follow up checks revealed no cancer in August and again in December. Huge relief!

The hoarse voice has remained though, which his specialist said was due to damage to the saliva glands from the radiotherapy which causes a dry throat and then the hoarseness.

He started coughing in December though. He was given antibiotics twice which didn't work and then on the 5th of January this year, his GP referred him for a chest x ray. He had this a week later. 8 days after that his GP called and my Dad said that he was told 'there is a slight change on your x ray in comparison with a previous one so we are sending you for CT scan as a precaution due to you history but don't worry'. I dont feel like it is a precaution. He has symptoms of cancer and something has shown on his x ray. To me that says only one thing. The worst.

He finally had his CT scan with IV contrast today. I've done enough googling over the past 5 weeks to know that this means that they are looking for cancer. 

I dont know if its because I'm worried and looking for things, but to me he looks like he has lost weight the past few weeks.  He is so hoarse and coughing a lot and just doesn't look right.

Im terrified. We are such a close family. He is 71 and I am 34 but I still feel like his little girl. He is my everything. My rock. I havent been sleeping, cant focus in work, I'm drinking more in the evenings to try and switch off just for a few hours!

The wait is agony. He has been told a few days to a week for the results which already in my mind says that's too fast and they have seen something bad.

The waiting is the most horrendous part of this every time. I know how hard the NHS staff work and that systems have to be followed. But whoever decides on the protocol for wait times for these tests has clearly never been through it. It seems almost cruel.

I dont really know why I have posted other than reading other people's posts on here has just made me feel like I am not alone lately. I just need to get it off my chest somewhere.

These are very scary times and the worst thing is, I already know what it coming. Its just a case of how bad. I just cant believe we are back her again.

Thank you anyone who has taken time to read this x

 

  • Hi there

     

    this is so easy to say but try not to worry. I know it's nigh impossible . I have had cancer at base of my tongue and am always terrified of it returning . I have 3 lovely children who rely on me . We are very close . I have a lovely Dad, like you, he's my rock too, even now, and I'm 57. Your Dad is very precious to you and will be forever.  I have a fabulous mother too. I have to keep a close eye on them and look after them too. And I have results of a biopsy tomorrow which I had done on my tongue and cheek and I am terrified too but am trying not to think about it too much! Hah! So I know how you're feeling and send you my love and thoughts and prayers .  Don't worry. I'm sure things will turn out ok . You're not alone. He could be absolutely fine and if there is a problem he will overcome it. He's done it before. Stay strong and positive. We'll do it together.    X. Good luck and God bless you both.

     

    and just remember that radiotherapy really does muck things about. I know that from my own experience so it really might just be after effects from all of that. Try to be positive. Easier said than done... I'm trying but yes, it's scary. Go to sleep! Night! 

  • Offline in reply to etsy

    Thank you so much for replying with all you are going through. I really appreciate it.

    I will be thinking of you today and praying you have good news xx