So I'm still hoping there is an alternative explanation for this but time will tell.

Noticed enlarged lymph nodes around 18 months ago after having my second baby (behind ear, under chin, mostly right side of neck, some on left neck, armpits & groin) initially ignored them and thought not much of it, assuming something pregnancy/post-natal related.  They didn't go away so I put it down to previous hernia surgery 3 years ago with mesh fixation, or maybe inflammation from my various joint issues (hEDS dx, luckily mine has a fairly minor effect on my actual mobility, I'm a full time nurse, however it's had more of an effect on and during surgical procedures, delayed bone healing after fractures, hernias, recurrent bursitis).

Around 4 months ago I began having severe stomach pain radiating around to upper back after eating meals any larger than my 20 month old childs meal sizes. Add on lower right abdo pain with unidentifiable trigger, feels like a sharp hook that gets stuck sometimes and is very positional in nature. Then I realised id went from around 8.5 to 9ish stone, to 7st 4, OK maybe subconscious stress from working through and then catching covid from work in November. However it was the occasional night sweat that made me think maybe early menopause (I'm 35) so went to gp in October..

First got bloods done. Then chest xray. All fine. Then chest abdo pelvis CT with contrast, nil of note there..

Now awaiting ultrasound (in a week), followed by endoscopy, had more bloods as gp had ordered the wrong ones apparently, but they're wanting to rule out lymphoma or other malignancies.

Some days I feel very realistic - CT was clear etc, other days I'm convinced this is an indolent lymphoma and I'll be on watch & wait for the remainder of my life until it kicks into active disease and my children have to watch me die I'm generally not an anxious person or a panicker but I have this awful feeling of doom and sort of 'final destination' feeling, I narrowly avoided death 5 years ago when a 1tonne boulder hit me causing an open book pelvic fracture, nearly lost my leg, and tore my femoral artery. Something is now telling me that was actually my time and the reason this is what's happening now.. Then I realise that sounds fairly paranoid. 

During this my brother-in-law was diagnosed with terminal bowel & liver cancer and passed away last week, which doesn't help the paranoia. 

Anyway I just need to talk about this somewhere as I don't want to put my worries on my fiance as his parents have both had cancer in the past couple of years, and with the recent loss of his brother.. Can't speak to my mum as she has mental health issues and not been coping with life in general since my father died last year.

Anyway like I said, time will tell.. Best wishes to everyone xx