Hi, 

First of all I wish you all a happy new year 

I've been reading this page and it has sort of helped just lurking about but I thought I would try and post as I am so anxious and a bit all over the place mentally. 

So where to start... 5 years ago I had an enlarged lymph node removed from my chest that was found by chance, I had all sorts of tests and a biopsy and they decided the safest thing to do was to take it out. Subsequent scans found that the problem was solved and I recovered from the op and went back into work. It was a real wake up call for me to take care of my health more and I made a conscious effort to eat better, exercise more etc (still not perfect but you know).

Aside from some residual side effects from the op I was in good health, but then around June time I noticed I was getting really tired. It was around when I came off furlough and I figured it was just me getting back into the routine so I carried on. Over time I started getting an ache in the top of my arm, like in the bone but it wouldn't last long. A few times over the period of a few months I would feel so obviously exhausted, achey and weak I would be sent home from work. Due to the pandemic my colleagues were being extra vigilant and I would have to get a covid test before I could come back but each time they came back negative. I had 3 tests overall from June to October. 

Around October time my left upper leg started exhibiting the same bone pain as my arm and also affected my work. It's a fast paced job with a lot of standing and running up and down stairs so it slowed me down a lot. Of course we got refurloughed in November so I thought maybe with rest it would ease up but it stayed consistent. On return to work in December it was way worse and had crept to both of my legs and sometimes in my head too. Had persistent low-grade fever as well as a bloated abdominal area. I was too ill to go into work from about December 23rd and did another Covid test which was again negative. 

Perhaps I should have spoken to the Doctors sooner but with everything going on I didn't want to waste anyone's time. 

So I got in touch with the Doctor after Christmas who ordered cbc blood tests over the phone almost right away. These came back yesterday as OK but she wanted to see me in person. 

After the examination today (well yesterday now) she has ordered a cancer marker test and an abdominal ultrasound. I'm so glad it's being taken seriously and she has been fantastic but I feel like I'm in an anxious limbo now. 

I'm reluctant to tell my family the full extent of what is happening because this year has been a lot on them already, I have elderly grandparents we've all been worrying ourselves sick about all year, and the first scare was a lot for them to deal with as well. 

I'm worried about work, about my family, about what to say and how much to say and I'm still feeling rubbish in myself too. 

I'm so sorry for the long post but it's just all these things I've been keeping in my mind all month xxx