New Years Eve 2020

So I am sat in my car on top of a mountain admiring the snow capped peaks of the Brecon Beacons, wondering what 2021 will bring and the mountain God's did answer...

Phone rings... Which is unusual on top of the mountain.  Its head of ENT confirming tonsil cancer,  very apologetic its over the phone.   To be honest I didn't mind, I couldn't have been in a better place to receive the news.  Tells me they still want me to go for my neck ultrasound and MRI on Tuesday 5th January.

Hour later receive another call from the hospital booking me in for a biopsy ar 7:30am on 7th January,  no food or drink from the midnight before.  Fortunately I will be asleep for most of the nil by mouth.

I also have to go in on Monday 4th January for a covid test and at some point between the covid test and the biopsy I have to go in for a pre assessment.

So my first week of 2021 is going to be busy, but you know I'm good with that.  At least I now know the enemy and I can start my fight.   I am a one in ten, bring it on!

Monday 4th January 2020

So today is the day of my covid test, yay (that was a sarcastic yay).  Test is a drive through at 9:30am and a 30 mile round trip.  A trip i have to do another 3 times this week, booooo. (That wasn't a sarcastic booooo).

Goodness knows how we are going to afford these journeys.   I am on basic PIP (disability payment) which barely covers the house hold bills as it is.  In fact it doesn't, already in energy debt, which we've embarrassingly had to apply for a grant for.

Be aware how quick your life can change people.  3 years ago I owned 2 businesses, which after 7 years of 16hr days, were just on the brink of success (life was good) when I was struck with a brain disorder (much like MS). Now I am having to go cap in hand to keep the heating on.  Don't get me wrong,  life is still good, different,  but good. I  have so much to be thankful for.  In fact the difficulties of the last 3 years have prepared me well for now and what is to come.  In many respects I'm in a better place to face and fight this new foe. 

Right, better get dressed I have a covid test to attend.

Hello dragonfach, 

I have just come across your post after googling and I hope you don't mind me posting. Firstly I am sorry to hear of your recent diagnosis on top of all your other health issues. I wish you luck and a speedy recovery through and after treatment. 
I just want to share a little bit about me and hoping for a little bit of reassurance. I have some symptoms and I'm absolutely terrified I have mouth/throat cancer. I recently had the dentist for some pain I had on the roof of my mouth and in my teeth, diagnosed gingivitis. I asked the dentist is she thought I had oral cancer and she said no, but I'm worried she has missed something. My right tonsil is bigger than my left tonsil. My left tonsil gets scratchy in the evenings. I have on off pin in my left inner ear and a pea size lymph node on the left side of my neck. I suffered with 2 weeks of neck pain all round my neck and have been 1 week pain free, last night my neck started to hurt again. I have also notice a few weeks back that I have some sort of lump right at the back of my tongue but at the side where my back tooth is. I find myself keep catching it and biting it, it's not always painful but occasionally I find there is minor pain and tingling there. I am absolutely terrified of the outcome. I have a GP appointment on Wednesday and just generally really scared of what they might say. 
 

Thankyou for listening xx

Hi

I do not mind in the least.

Obviously I am not medically trained in any way and can only empathise.  I  so know the worry and anxiety you are going through.

Most importantly at this stage is to keep in mind that 9 out of 10 people who present with symptoms and are tested come back negative for cancer.  Head and neck Cancer is rare, even by cancer terms.  

You are doing absolutely the right thing by seeing your GP, do not be afraid of telling them your concerns.  I wish I had pushed more back in May 2020.  Ask to be referred to ENT.  Before your doctors appointment write down any questions before hand and make sure you get answers.  Something else l wish I had done.

Stay away from Dr Google.  It will only compound your worries and anxiety.   Do anything you can that makes you happy from funny cat videos to reruns of the Vicar of Dibly, of course you may not actually like these but you get the idea.  Anything that makes you happy including petting animals causes your body to produce endorphins,  the bodies natural happy drug.  These endorphins will help ease your worries and anxiety.   Also they will take your mind off things.

Even writing your post would have given your anxiety a few minutes break.

I hope this helps, even if its just a little bit.

Good luck with the docs.  Let me know how you get on.

Hello. 
Thankyou for coming back on here and reading my post and replying to me. All I have done today is read through other people's stories on these forums and google too. It's my own worst enemy and I know it's the wrong thing to do. I even had my therapy this morning which helped for all of 5 mins and that's it. 
that's a good thing to point out 9 in 10 people, but there's always that chance, like you that I am that 1. Terrified as I am only 30 with 3 young children. Yes I smoke, I totally understand this is not helping at all but sometimes it actually helps me relax. Who does that? Worries about cancer but continues to smoke. Well that's what I get told by others anyway. 
 

If u don't mind me asking what symptoms did you have? Were they persistent or did they come and go? 
what will happen at ENT, the idea of something going up my nose or down my throat freaks me out. 
 

as I am writing this I am currently watching Frozen 2 with one of my fave songs and that gave me 30 seconds of non anxiety lol. All whilst the baby is napping and the eldest 2 are upstairs playing together. 
 

Thankyou for the luck. Xx

p.s I hope your covid test wasn't too traumatic xx

Hi

Stress and life in general is easier to cope with if you don't smoke.  Take this from someone who smoked for 30 years.  The best thing I ever did was give up.  Though I am sure you have heard that a million times. 

My symptoms have been persistent since May 2020 and worsened in November 2020.  And they have been getting worse 

For me ENT checked the outside of my throat to feel the nodes. He then looked inside my throat with a camera  first via my mouth (no pain or discomfort). Next he looked via a nostril, again no pain and a little discomfort.  But you've been through a lot worse having 3 children.

Easily said but try not to focus on the one, pray your one of the other nine.  Which hopefully and most probably will be.  You have youth and being female on your side with this one.

Covid test was quick and not too bad. Just a swob from the back of the throat.  Got the result same day, negative. 

Chin up, stick Frozen back on :)

Hello, 

glad to hear your covid swab was negative. Good luck for future appointments and treatment. 
 

yes a million times over and more I have heard that's it's the best thing. I am going to give it a go at giving up. Who knows, I might be saying those words to somebody else soon. 
 

I think my symptoms have only been on and off for some weeks now, I think I'm getting to the idea that maybe my tonsil is ok as Iv confided in a couple of friends who have a slightly bigger tonsil than the other. But now I'm obsessed with this swelling on the back side of my tongue. I keep googling foliate papillae. Silly really when I write it down what I'm doing. Just can't help myself. There seems to a weird taste coming from it, if I get a lot of saliva I spit on a tissue to see if there is blood but there isn't. Can't stop looking at it in the mirror either. I'm driving myself bonkers.  I'm sure the other side looks similar but not quite as swollen. 
 

I finally confided in my partner tonight(I don't normally as his dad has terminal cancer and feel sometimes my worries are inappropriate) after all I do suffer from major health anxiety. He wasn't so supportive as i had imagined. Just thinks I'm going crazy. But I feel like most people are getting frustrated with me because this isn't the first time I have though I have had cancer. 
 

I am definitely pooping myself about my doctors appointment tomorrow. Hopefully be in and out wondering was I worried about to start with. 
 

Thankyou again for replying to me xx

Hello Mumma123

Smoking is the biggest cause of cancer in the world and the biggest preventable cause of cancer in the UK. Chemicals in cigarette smoke enter our blood stream and can then affect the entire body, this is why smoking causes so many different types of cancer. Whatever you are worried about, stopping smoking completely is the best thing you can do for your physical health and your mental health, and there are many ways you can do it. Visit our website for more information https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/causes-of-cancer/smoking-and-cancer

Best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator 

Good morning, 

i have had my doctors appointment, she isn't concerned about anything going on in my mouth, just continue to mouthwash and salt water rinse and should clear up on its own. Regarding the on and off sore throat she has said it's acid reflux(I have read a lot of doctors say this) but to be fair I do suffer with heartburn most evenings, probably the chocolate I scoff when I get peckish in the evenings lol. She checked all my glands also, which none were up so I guess that's a good sign. Also the pea size lump I have in my neck she has referred me for an ultrasound to rule out anything sinister, but she's pretty sure it's a cyst. So I guess il have to wind my neck in a bit and just wait for that and hope it's a good outcome. 
need to try and keep myself away from google in the meantime and worry less(easier said than done)! 
 

thanks for reading. Xx

Good morning, 

i have had my doctors appointment, she isn't concerned about anything going on in my mouth, just continue to mouthwash and salt water rinse and should clear up on its own. Regarding the on and off sore throat she has said it's acid reflux(I have read a lot of doctors say this) but to be fair I do suffer with heartburn most evenings, probably the chocolate I scoff when I get peckish in the evenings lol. She checked all my glands also, which none were up so I guess that's a good sign. Also the pea size lump I have in my neck she has referred me for an ultrasound to rule out anything sinister, but she's pretty sure it's a cyst. So I guess il have to wind my neck in a bit and just wait for that and hope it's a good outcome. 
need to try and keep myself away from google in the meantime and worry less(easier said than done)! 
 

thanks for reading. Xx

Hey you

So glad all is well and thank you for updating me.

At least the ultrasound will put your mind more at rest, at least they are checking it for you.

Yes definitely stay off Dr Google.  The brain is a very complex thing.  If you read enough info about an illness or condition your brain is capable of creating certain bogus pains and symptoms which may make you think you have that illness or condition.   

I know this as I have a rare brain condition which does this.  My nervous system is misfiring which can cause things like the feeling that my arm has 3rd degree burns.  I  haven't,  but my nerves are telling my brain that I have, or my brain is misinterpreting the info from my nerves.  So please stay off Dr Google.

And really that post from the nurse to you, she's so right.  Your mental health is as important as your physical health and smoking makes both so much worse.   I know, I've been there.

Sometimes it can feel like people are on your case, but its only because they care.   

Good luck with everything :)

Hello again. 
 

yes I hope so! 
 

you are absolutely 100% right! I have already told myself that's what I have done, read so much online that I have given myself symptoms, thi  no W I would have brushed off before, I.e sore throat! 
 

ah that sounds awful. Definitely not nice for you to have to go through all of this too. 
 

yes I agree with the nurse too, today I had 3 cigarettes this morning, helped calm my nerves, since then I haven't had one, I haven't really wanted one but at points I have, and I'm also finding myself very emotional and unmotivated too, hope this is just a side effect of no nicotine lol. I should be bouncing from the walls but instead I'm moping about! 
 

thankyou so much! Xx