Hi Thompson,

I’m not an expert but I thought I would reply because it seems as though you could do with a bit of support.

I‘m almost 50 and I’ve had two cancer scares. Both times, the wait between initial symptoms and the all-clear were agonising but one time in particular, I was 100% convinced I had cancer. Our brains can be cruel. I got to the stage where I could literally visualise the cancer in my body. I am an extremely intuitive person, especially where my body is concerned.I have been right about health problems so many times. You just know, don’t you?! Well... no, you don’t. I had a lump in my breast that was visible to the naked eye by the time I got a biopsy. It ticked all the cancer boxes. And most importantly, I just instinctively knew it was cancer. It was nothing. 

If you’re in tune with your body, which it sounds like you are, this kind of uncertainty can be devastating. If you can, try to remind yourself of the following when you feel anxious:

1. You’ve probably been absolutely 100% convinced about a cancer diagnosis several times in your life. How many times have you been right? Like most people, how convinced you are has no bearing on the likelihood of a cancer diagnosis. 

2. If our intuition was that great when it comes to our bodies, people on this forum would not be dying or undergoing painful and life-altering treatments or caring for people who are undergoing treatment or dying. If intuition was that great they would have just “known” and sought treatment early on. Yes, there are cases where people “know” and battle with GPs to be heard but for every one of these cases, there’s another person who will tell you cancer just came up and smacked them in the face with no warning. So, I guess this is a really long way of saying that your intuition can be WAY off the mark.

3. When you have health-related anxiety, your body is in a heightened state of alert. You’re hyper-focused on your body and every little “sign” it’s sending you. If you thought you had just seen a tiger walking past your window, would you be turning up the TV to drown out a scratching sound at the door? No. You’d turn the TV off, your hearing would turn superhuman and your muscles would be ready to react. That’s where you are. You’re on high alert, getting ready for a battle, paying attention to all the signs that you DO have cancer and ignoring all the indications that you don’t. It’s a survival mechanism. It’s a great one. It saves lives. But it goes wrong a LOT! 

I never ever thought that I could be THAT convinced I had breast cancer and be so very wrong. I don’t ignore my body now but the experience of being 100% convinced and being ready to “battle” a big fatty lump (I was choosing wigs, I wrote a will, I was already working through my bucket list) has taught me how to listen to my body without ignoring alternative explanations. 

I really hope you get some reassurance from your doctor(s). But most of all I hope you take some steps to look for reassurance from within because that’s the only way you’re going to win the battle with health anxiety. In the meantime, sending you a big fat hug. x