I am spiralling into dark places at the moment. My story goes back a couple of years. I had a clear mammogram in early 2019 but shortly after I thought my right breast and underarm area has just felt different and full and I have shoulder and neck discomfort. No lumps, no rash, no orange peel, sores or weeping nipples just fuller and heavier and sometimes a little itchy. When I raise my arms and look in mirror my right armpit definitely is fuller and fattier and less defined than my left. These sensations haven't been constant and sometimes are very noticeable at other times I don't notice them at all. I have mentioned these feeling to health professionals many times over the passed 18-24 months and on each occasion have been told there is nothing to worry about. Since the mammogram in 2019 my breasts have been examined twice by a GP and have been told each time all is ok. I have on off pain in my right rib area as well and have been told I have a slightly fatty liver with simple hepatic liver cysts - very common I am told.
I do have terrible health anxiety issues and last week I managed to get a face to face appointment with a GP and she examined my breast and armpits and generally. I found the examination of my right breast incredibly painful and GP said she could feel a lump and has referred me to Breast Clinic. I knew something wasn't right with my right breast but I honestly had not felt a lump myself just a heaviness. Since the exam which was really painful my breast and underarm area has been very painful and tender and my breast feels quite different now.
I am now terrified that this lump has been brewing for almost two years and has gone undetected and consequently I am today in a very bad place. Iam imagining my shoulder and rib pains are bone mets and that the simple hepatic liver cysts are not in fact simple but are metasised tumours that have been detected before the breast cancer and mis-diagnosed.
My head is in a mess and I can't bear the thought of leaving my beautiful family too soon. I am 52 years of age. I have my Breast Clinic referral appointment next week but I am convinced the news is going to be the worst possible.
Sorry I am not sure what I want to hear back from people it just feels quite a release to "say" exactly what I am thinking and worrying about.
I know I am silly worrying before I know anything definite, and I don't mean any disrespect to anyone who already has a cancer diagnosis. I can't help the constant worrying. I am panicked and feel very alone.
