Hi - male, early 50s. Ex-smoker

Had symptoms of finger clubbing (incredibly mild, only index finger nails are visibly curved) and numbness in hands.

A little shortness of breath, but I think that started when I began getting concerned about my health so possibly in my mind.

GP was 50/50  whether to wait and see whereas I probably pushed a bit stating I'd rather have these things checked given the better prognosis if these things are caught early.

So have had chest x ray and bloods done this week, waiting on the results.

What I can't do at the moment (and not helped by working at home all the time for Covid) is stop my mind racing.

I have two beautiful young girls at primary school and I keep thinking about times I would be missing from their lives - dad's race at sports day, teaching them to drive, giving them away etc. 

And that's before I think of my partner and how she would cope.

It all makes me so sad I can't stop being upset (particularly blaming myself) and I haven't even had a diagnosis.

Does anyone else have these sort of thoughts and any tips on how to manage them ?

Peace to all,

D