This the the 3rd time I have had cancer and I am mightedly tired of it.  I had chemo which was cut short in February, a good reading in June.  All lovely in the garden, but then I was left for 3 months with no interim check up, now my CA125 level is through the roof, I have had a scan last Wednesday, a letter from the hospital with a date in October, too late methinks, I have had rectal bleeding.  The appointment has now been brought forward to Monday.  I dont know about anyone else who has to handle this, I cant at the moment.  I have welcomed in the day with a glass of wine, it stops there of course but waking is worst for me, I have very good friends and family who are surrounding me, but I live on my own and the morning terrors always strike.  So Monday is D day........and I am terrified.......am I unusual or are others the same as me.  I have been through to Macmillan and my doctor surgery has been very good......