I'm writing this in the hope of finding someone who understands!
Several years ago i had a horrendous bout of health anxiety, thanks to some tests and support from family and friends i overcame it, that was until Covid reared its ugly head and I knew it would set me off.
I live alone so I locked myself up completely, terrified of dying alone, and spent the whole time focused on Covid, until i noticed a new mole like mark appear on my foot and it quickly turned to Cancer. I had a friend diagnosed with Melanoma several years ago, so terrified I rushed to the GP, and was not reassured by him not being concerned, and insisted on a referral to Dermatology, despite it going away after a couple of weeks. I then became obsessed with checking my moles.
Trying to avoid Dr Google I found this forum instead, but now I realise scanning this looking for people with symptoms that match mine is doing nothing but feed the beast. A few weeks ago I noticed a painful twinge in my neck, and after some reading I am now convinced I have Lymphoma, constantly feeling for lumps although I have no idea what I'm looking for, and in the last 2 days an itch all over my body. I've spoken to the GP twice, but he is not concerned and has not even seen me in person due to Covid. I'm well aware I may be manifesting my own symptoms, and the chances of having 2 cancer scares at once are so unlikely, but without tests I cannot do anything to convince myself otherwise.
I try not to go on at people around me about it as I know they'll think I'm being crazy, but I'm too scared to go out and see friends in case i catch Covid and have a horrible underlying undiagnosed condition. Its consuming my whole life.
I've booked in for a private MRI and have my Dermatology appointment this week so hope for some reassurance. I just wonder if anyone else experiences things like this? It would be nice to speak to someone who does. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.
Hello Lauren believe me you not alone with this , u actually sound like me . So soon i found something on me which is new in my Head pops straight away it's Cancer I am scared like mad for weeks then. Just 3 Months before getting my Smear i was worried like crazy that my results maybe come back bad. Now due strict Lockdown spent more time home and Dr Google is my best friend I know i have for few years a polype on my Cervix and not have any problems at all , but now after reading it could turn in to something sinister even risk is only 0,5 % its drives me mad and i want to have it removed best straight away. I am completely about ur Moles i had some removed in total 3 which was really bad looking but thank god came back fine i had them for years like 20 never changed but it was size and was 2 coloureds and when check google says straight away cancer so i had them removed. But honestly nearly every week standing in front off big mirror and checking like mad cor new ones
Hi you two, it is so sad that you both fear cancer and ill health when neither has been diagnosed. Dealing with cancer in real life sets your mind to getting better, fitter and concentrating on living a life, I know this as my husband has lung and liver cancer and he has stayed positive, upbeat and battled to stay alive for our family, so reading about those who haven't actually been diagnosed or have cancer is quite challenging for me. You need to stop focusing on yourselves and worrying about every little twinge and lump, most cancers have very little prior symptoms so to make yourself ill over what has not happened yet is definitely down to anxiety, not cancer. This is a cancer chat forum, not a heath anxiety forum, perhaps I'm being unkind but it's hard living with cancer on a daily basis and if it wasn't in our lives I would not worry about getting it! Carol
Just wanted to pop in and say i can somewhat understand your anxiety as i have generalised anxiety disorder. I don't get specific health anxiety due to my profession being a nurse and having a fair amount of knowledge regarding health ect.
However, i have had 3 possible cancer referrals in the space of a year last year for different issues. One turned out to be a fat lump in my armpit that went away, one i ended up having gastritis/reflux and the other i was being investigated for was lymphoma, at the time i was having nearly all the symptoms however no lumps, got seen and cleared from haematology based on bloods/CTscan ect. While being investigated i could have sworn that my throat was swelling and i was finding more symptoms that related to lymphoma however a majority of the time it is not cancer. Sometimes anxiety can cause physical symptoms and some can be weird but equally it doesnt mean you do have cancer. Not that im saying its just anxeity becaise im not so hopefully once youve had your appointment i hope it reassures you.
I've had terrible health anxiety too for years now. If the 93 in your username refers to when you were born, I'm a similar age. I think health anxiety is quite common among our generation.
Skin cancer is one I've freaked out about a few times. Once paid to go to a private clinic because I was so stressed that I couldn't handle waiting 8-9 days for a GP appointment. Literally couldn't sleep or do anything but think about it and search google for melanoma info.
I've been refered to have my kidneys scanned, nothing wrong with them. I even had a breast cancer scare despite being male and young because I had what I thought were a couple of symptoms, and the possiblilty of the BRCA gene in my family due to my gran getting it under 50. My aunt (not a blood relative) was dying of it at the time too, so it was on my mind and I'd probably been reading a bit too much about it. Saw a specialist and was told there was nothing wrong with me.
Also had worries about ALS, throat cancer, MS, you name it.
Lymphoma is my current hang up, and the reason I've found this forum. I've got a few swollen lymphnodes from an infection I had earlier this year. But I've become kind of obsessed with checking them and the fact that they haven't gone away. I'm quite skinny so they're easy to feel on my neck. I've had a couple of doctors I know take a look at them and they're not concerned, but I can't stop worrying about it. My cousin has it at the moment and he's not doing too well with it (relapsed) and I think that's a big part of why I've become obsessed with it.
Lymphoma is the ultimate health anxiety disease because almost anything could be a symptom of it, and the main B symptoms (itching, night sweats, weight loss) are the sort of thing any healthy person could convince themself they've got.
I don't really have any advice for how to overcome it because I'm still in the throes of it.
But I guess what I'd say is, you (and I) need to get away from that sense that we're a character in a film with a sad ending. Stop thinking that you're that 1 in ten thousand who gets the bad news, that one in a million whose plane hits the moutain. Because the scary truth is health anxiety itself can eat up years of your life even if none of the fears come true. It has ruined a large chunk of my 20's in a way that no physical illness ever did. What's the point in worrying about dying when you can't enjoy life anyway.
I'm sorry that your going through this too, although it's reassuring to know it's not just me.
Its a horrible place to be, I think especially when your young as doctors can be so dismissive, and 'you're young, you're fine' isn't the reassurance you need. It's so easy to convince yourself that you are going to be that 1 in 10,000, because it's got to happen to someone right? In a last ditch attempt today I asked to see a different doctor and actually got examined, who found my nodes are enlarged (so it's not just completely in my head!) and has sent me for a blood test to get checked out. I feel reassured to just be listened to even though I'm sure there's still something else behind it. So that's bloods, MRI and Dermatology this week with the hope of some peace of mind at the end! (What a week eh!)
I agree that Lymphoma is the ultimate worry, particularly as it puts you at high risk of Covid at the moment. I've also made a self referral for counselling to help with the anxiety in the hope that it helps. I hope things get a bit easier for you - happy to talk as I know how hard it can be to talk to family and friends about this sort of thing. Take care!
