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Red flag referral for lump in neck behind ear, losing my min

emb44
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Hi folks, so I've posted in this forum before but am just struggling so much. 

I'm 28 female and recently developed a hard lump on my mastoid behind my ear. It has grown but blood tests have come back as unalarming which is a good thing. 

My GP printed off a referral for me today (I've been referred red flag to NHS but am considering using my savings to privately have a CT Scan and necessary consultations with ENT) and reading it has sent me into a tailspin. 'Red flag', 'cancer site: HNC' etc.

I live an isolated life and don't have good family support and dont want to burden my friends because they all have their lives going on. I feel completely alone and valueless and a bit suicidal to be honest. Cannot take the pressure of this wait and I'm still at work with all its stresses despite the ongoing coronavirus situation. I haven't stopped crying for days and do not want to die of cancer or face a lonely treatment route. Just really struggling today and I'm sorry for being a whinger and posting this but just want to get it all out. Thanks.

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    Hi, 

     

    please if you feel like you are having suicidal thoughts consider giving Samaritans helpline a call or even the cancer research team! I am available if you want to message me! I hate to think you are feeling so anxious and down like this! I'm 24 and have lumps in my throat armpit and collarbone which according to google is likely lymphoma (especially the collarbone) I've had ultrasound on the urgent referral but they all said normal! A lump could be anything, it could be a cyst or a lymph node or even a benign Tumor! The good news is that it's more than likely going to be benign than malignant! Also being on an urgent referral doesn't mean you have cancer the odds are most people with referrals do not have cancer! But you will be seen quicker and have the necessary scans and consultations! Please please talk to someone about how you are feeling! I'm sure your friends would rather be there for you than have you feeling so upset and alone on your own! 
     

    Always here if you need a chat! I suffer from health anxiety so I've had low points but I just want you to know you aren't alone and it's more than likely not cancer and if it was it could be something so easily treated! 
     

    Becky x 

  • in reply to Becksxxx

    I'm sorry the wait for your referral is proving difficult at the moment Emb but I want you to know you are not alone.

    If you really feel like you're struggling and are having suicidal thoughts please try to reach out and speak to someone. As Becky mentioned, the Samaritans are available on 116 123. They are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and will always be there to listen and do what they can to help. 

    Our nurses are available for a chat if you'd like to talk things through with them. They're available on 0808 800 4040, Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m.

    As certain words mentioned in your referral are proving to be a trigger maybe you could try getting back in touch with your GP to see if they can explain what it means and why it's been included as it may help to put your mind at ease a bit and steady your nerves whilst you wait.

    Waiting is always really tough so be kind to yourself and remember that our community are here for you Emb.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

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