Hi, 

Suppose I'm posting this as I need to say exactly what I'm feeling somewhere.

Suppose thinking back the first warning signs something was wrong started about 18 months ago, just as my beautiful mum had a terminal diagnosis for oesophageal cancer. For the next 8 months between working, caring for mum and my own kids. I did not have the time to pay any attention to my own body.

After mum passed away I started to pay a bit more attention, but then my hubby wasn't to well.  For a couple of months I was really really worried about his mental health and what he may do. Thankfully he has sought help, taking a less demanding job and is now much much better 

by Christmas I knew something wasn't right and promised myself to see the GP in the new year.

My sister got taken suddenly ill in January and the next 6 weeks were spent either in work(not that I was there that much) , at the hospital or trying again to make time for my children.  So again I didn't get to the GP. 

My beloved sister passed away late February.

Shortly after the funeral we came I to contact with a confirmed case of Covid-19 so has to isolate. Thank goodness none of us had nothing but very minor symptoms.

By this time GP surgeries were for emergencies only so I just got on with it, still convinced I was probably imaging it all. 

By now my symptoms were quite hard to ignore(until this weekend I don't think o realised how much I have ignored them) --constant fullness, unable to eat more than a small meal, pelvic pain, needing a wee every hour and bleeding after intercourse,  lifting something, going to the toilet pretty much anything other than sitting or lying still! 

I bit the bullet and phoned the GP on after work Thursday half expecting not to get past the receptionist.

The gp phoned me back within 30 minutes and within another 30 minutes I was in the surgery.

By now it was 5pm

The GP did a VERY  quick internal exam and took some swabs, I'm sure she almost jumped and  her bady language changed completely.

She sat me down and said 'we won' t bother with a Smear (it's about 6/8 months overdue) I am just going to get you seen straight away. It's to late to phone now so I'll call you Tuesday morning with an appointment for gynecology, hopefully they'll fit you in then or Wednesday at the very latest. I will call you first thing Tuesday when I get whatever to check up on you. '

This completely floored me so I just sat and nodded. 

She then went on to prescribe me a lovely cocktail of antibiotics (which Google has informed me are usually for treating severe infections when others haven't worked)' just in case', unless I would rather be admitted to hospital straight away.

She reiterated quite a few time not to think twice about seeking medical attention over the weekend if I felt even slightly ill. She very clearly explained the out of hours procedure. 

Still in total shock I declined the hospital (my kids thought I had gone to Tesco) took the prescription and literally ran out without saying another word.

An hour before hand I didn't think I'd get past the receptionist as I'd convinced myself everything had been in my head and now I was being told I could go into hospital! 

Since the exam i:ve been really sore. Apart from a couple of hours of uncomfortableness I have never had a problem after smears or having coils fitted (incidentally my body rejected that about 5 wks ago and it came out on its own accord after years and multiple coils with no problems at all)

I had a feel down there (sorry) my cervix is rough, very uneven shaped and has a few very distinct lumps. 

I'm now quietly petrified, the GPs manner (she was absolutely lovely but after the exam there was a clear sence of urgency) but more so from the fact even with everything going on at the moment she wants me to be seen within days.

By the time mums GP referred her she'd been back 3 or 4 times, was losing weight at a rate of knots and struggling to eat. Even then she waited just under 3 weeks for an appointment.

Only after she passed away did I find out my sister was on a waiting list for gynecology, she had been to the GP quite a few times. 

What did the GP see that made everything so urgent. She was checking things on her phone, tried phoning someone, checking things on the computer. 

I wish I had asked why did I need a referral (I have googled I know what my symptoms could imply - that's why I am here, I knew this before the appointment )  maybe it was the fact I knew what I have symptoms of that I was to scared to ask. 

I wish I had asked why do I need such strong antibiotics 'just in case' reading the list of side effects is enough to scare you! Thank goodness she also prescribed anti sickness tablets as I am sure I feel worse for taking the antibiotics.

I am 37 and have 3 amazing kids who have been through so much. I am worried that  although my Husband's mental health is much improved he is still very fragile- he currently thinks the antibiotics are for a water infection.

My mum would always be my go to for things like this., or my sister. 

My best friend has just lost someone to Covid-19 so I don't want to bother her with what could be nothing

So I haven't spoken to anyone, and that's how I ended up here. I needed to tell someone that I  scared.

Sorry for rambling on xx